Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Archive for June, 2012

For The Children!!!

As a general rule, I tend to follow my intuition.  This means that as I’m doing something, if I get a feeling that makes me stop for just a second, I have found it is a really smart idea to re-think what I’m doing.  I also believe in the flow of all good things in their time.

In most cases, I have never had the “proper” respect for money.  I saw it as the means to an end, and nothing more.  As a young person, I commuted every early morning, left my home and drove with traffic to the big ant hill, parked my car, and gave my young life to the pursuit of the mighty greenback.

Every evening, I hit the interstate with untold other thousands of commuters, and by the time I made it home (and a lot of people didn’t over the years) it was dark.  Everything in my life that was important was abandoned on a daily basis.  Anything that I cared about doing, was put aside in order to pay the rent.

Has anyone noticed that the average Joe can’t afford much of anything aside from the basics?  Good luck if you have to buy all your food.  Hope you take good care of the clothes you already have, because one simple ladies shirt can cost about $80 if you prefer well-made garments.

Basically opening my big mouth when I should not have, while waiting to vote in the Kerry-Bush election, it became clear to me that many of my local people were there for one thing only, to elect another Texan. Years later when I voted for Obama, thinking he was the smart one, I still had a little bit of hope that things were “okay.” What a crock, to see all his theatrics; acting like a celebrity president. In my heart, I know he is frustrated and he knows his limitations. Still, one in such a position has great responsibility. His seems all rhetoric.

One day while inside a common Texas supermarket, I was reading the ingredient list for some brand name “whole grain” cereal bars and in finding the words “hydrogenated oils” I threw it back in the bin.  This was about 5 years ago.  Bear in mind that this crap was fed to me my whole life.  I’ve had original body parts removed because of it, more than once.  I’ve heard doctors say they have no idea what caused my problems.  A man next to me, a large man, a man dirty from a long day of hard work, asked me why I put the box back.  I was thrilled to tell him that hydrogenated oil was pure poison.  I hope he believed me.

I feel like I’m sitting in a big puddle of a lifetime of lies and deceit from my own government.  I’m scared, yeah, and I’m pissed too, wondering if Obama ever feels like that. But my intuition tells me that all is not lost.  Notice how a lot of crime tends to fall apart at some point and the people are caught red-handed?  I hope this will be the case.

Thanks to so many brave and intelligent, committed and caring bloggers, I have seen some truths in the past few days that have challenged every part of what I call a discerning mind.  There is a big knot of disgust and sadness inside me tonite, where before was the typical useless imaginings of a quiet, unassuming person.  I believed in the inherent goodness of people.  All people.  Well, no more kimosabe!

I’m not sure where to turn or what to do first.  Even some of the greatest minds have thrown up their hands in defeat.  But I am a woman.  And women have children.  And although I don’t have kids of my own, I have two kids, a boy and a girl, that I love like my own.  I want a true and authentic life for these kids.  I don’t want them to spend their young lives in frustration and exhaustion like I did.

I’ve often wondered how animals, like say a horse, for instance, can withstand months of starvation, broken bones, hideous conditions, and still come out alive, when rescued, and transform into a loving and beautiful animal.  I’m sure you’ve heard of puppies like this, if not horses.  A dog that has lived on a chain all his life, been abused, beaten, neglected, can be rescued and heal.  This poor animal can be transformed by love.

Maybe that’s how it will be with me and hopefully many many others.  Different from the animals, we have the ability to speak.  We have the ability to communicate.  Perhaps the worst of the worst has already happened with 9/11.  Maybe that was only a small taste of what is to come.  But by God, I will be brave.  I will stand tall regardless.  It’s about corruption in our government like nothing you could ever imagine.  It’s not even just corruption.  It is much more complicated than that. 

But before they catch me, before they stop me, I will fight like a madman to save my kids.  And your kids.  No matter how many friends I lose in the process, I will report what I have learned, I will try to explain to those who read my words, that things are not what they seem.  It is sad, and I am sorry to tell you all, but the sooner we stop our “heads in the sand” kind of life, and look around, ask some questions, start reading what’s out there to warn us…  the greater chance we may have to survive.

You know, Carl Sagan said that if mankind was to survive, we’d have to figure out a way to get off.  That was my first wake-up call.  Now I’m old enough that this scenario is probably not in my future.  But it may well be the case in 50 years or much less.  The technology to move through space at great speeds is being used now, today, by our governments.  Alien technology is happening, folks, whether we like it or not.  They just never wanted us to find out.  Plain and simple.  Haven’t you noticed the huge amount of UFO sightings that go unexplained?  I don’t know what these aliens promised our governments or how they became instrumental to the rich and elite ruling class, but they did. 

Hopefully some guys a whole lot smarter and skilled will find a way to proceed in the face of total annihilation and global disaster.  These “governments” have spawned fear and fed us terrible lies over and over again, in the often successful attempt at control. Now that things have gotten out of hand, and the game’s not so much fun anymore, the rich people have mostly already left and found “safe” havens, if there can really be any.

Apparently, the one thing these super rich inbred connected families fear the most is losing control of us.  Maybe they’ve never seen a pissed off country boy from Alabama.  Maybe they’ve never faced an angry group of students on a Texas campus.  In my heart I feel we are very weak right now.  If we don’t wake up and face reality really quick, all our causes to save this and that will be for naught.  We’ll be damned lucky to save ourselves.

To all the big fat cats that sit back in their ivory towers, taking anti-depressants, counting their money, eating their delightful foods, look out brother!  Your time has come!  I used to casually read over preppers blogs, and always enjoyed survival blogs, but I didn’t really take it seriously.  Well, you can bet baby, I’m taking it seriously now.  And you should too.

Rest assured, there are many many good people, good men and women that have been aware of the lies we’ve been fed for some time.  It is these people who bravely blog this information for us, who should be taken very seriously, we should read their stuff like hungry animals!  You should take it all in and decide for yourself what has been happening to us.  The really scary part is the “why.”  I hope to God that it is mainly for control, for money, for power, and not for some other more alien reason…

Tonite I saw an honest to God video of a ritual being played out in a place called the Grove.  I beg you to google this and see what comes up.  The most terrifying part to me was that it said these men were acting out murder,  to feel evil, to be evil, to seek out evil, to enjoy it.  And the whole damn club is based on being totally secret.  Never let a soul outside the klan know.  The crazy screams I heard will haunt me forever, I fear.

Honestly, if I had kids at home with me now, I’d pack them up and we’d get the hell out of Dodge.  I’d get passports to the most remote place I could find on Earth.  At this point, I’m not interested in the struggle that is imminent.  It scares me witless.

Of course, from my words here, it is easy to see I am just a common average person.  I have no great intellect, no great skills or knowledge.  But I’m smart in the sense that I know when I’ve been conned.  And guess what people, you’ve all been conned.  In the worst most horrific way.  It’s not a fairy tale, or a bunch of doomsday nuts.  I’m the farthest thing from that.  This is reality right now.

I am not going into how or what or where.  I don’t have time for that.  All I can do is like so many others are trying to do.  Put some little seeds of doubt in your mind, enough so that you go to the YouTube and watch the videos on Illuminati.  Go to the videos on 9/11.  Look at them closely!  Open your eyes.  Join the WordPress.com group and start reading and watching the videos.  All you have to do is search a topic.  You’ll easily find the best bloggers.

I heard a very learned man today talking about demolition.  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he is saying is right.  What the hell with Building 7 anyway.  Why the hell didn’t anyone wonder why it went down that day.  I know, America was in shock.  Well, folks, it’s time to wake up.  I watched red-headed Irish firemen from New York saying “there’s no way!”  It just wouldn’t happen like that.  Concrete and structured steel skyscrapers don’t go down like that.  There were explosives set in the elevator shafts.

I have so much more to read.  If I did have money, I would try to fight these bastards.  Did you know that a whole group of young people went over to the Bilderberg Society meeting this year just to give us honest coverage because Main Stream Media of course would not?  Did you know that these rich families that own America also own our Media?  Christ, they own more than I could ever freakin imagine.

Most people I know, if I used the typical neighbor around here, will not, probably ever, want to discuss any of this, much less research it for themselves.  To those people, I say, good luck compadre.  Cause you’re gonna need it!  I may not be blogging much for a while, I’ve done my part at this juncture.  I’ve got things to do now, things to change, and people to connect with.  If there is a way to fight this thing, then we better get real and get to business right away.  It took me way too long to figure all this out.  But I got it now.  From fake flu epidemics to the oil wars, it’s looks like a long hard fight.

Being the last person in the world that wanted to deal with horrific crap like this at such a late point in my life, I’m just glad I’m still alive tonite.  The last thing I would ever want, would be to die and be buried without knowing, without trying to help the children.  I think its going to take every good man we’ve got and more, the brightest and the best, and still we may be too late.  Perhaps we will be lucky and these money hoarding assholes won’t stand a chance once we get really mad.

Its another day tomorrow people.  Take a nice slow deep breath, get some rest if you can, and get ready to stand up for yourself.  Yes, for once in our lives, it’s time to wake up.  It may well be our last chance.

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Anti-Gravity Technology

I just saw a magnet take 8 seconds to fall through a simple four foot long copper pipe.  This is anti-gravity folks.  Some guy, just out on his back porch, is trying to show the world that this technology has been around for centuries on Earth.  I hope I don’t disappear for saying this, and I’m not scared if I do.  I am just a simple old woman that wants to know the truth before I die.  We are all such darling little creatures, so kind and so gentle, only wanting to raise our families in peace, have enough to eat, you know the drill, and all along, there were components in play that have been controlling the masses, keeping us calm and quiet with their drugs and their fake foods to make us sick, it looks like we are just some sick experiment, and the clues and the answers have been all around us for eons.  Beings from somewhere besides our Earth have been here long before recorded history evidently.  And our US government has known about it for a good long while.  Nobody has wanted the “silent masses” to have this information.  And this is just the very tip of the iceberg.  The implications for the world are almost incomprehensible.  I am no great thinker, I am just one tiny simple person, but maybe put us all together, finally, with the real truth, and we might have a chance.  I urge you to go to YOUTUBE and check out KilluminatiTheMovie and see for yourself.  There are hundreds of links and videos, I’m just starting to see.  Apparently, I’ve lived most of my life like an idiot.

Eyes Wide Open

I’m just a very average person.  I didn’t finish college; I was a piano player/music major.  I had performance anxiety.  Couldn’t handle the pressure.  Thought music was supposed to be fun.  It wasn’t.  I tried to own and run a couple of businesses in my 30’s and 40’s; without money you can’t make money.  I just barely survived.  I’m still proud of my efforts.  I now own a little place here in Texas, whatever that means.  It just means I’m not homeless yet.  Taxes are still unpaid, and I’m so broke today I endured major humiliation at the pharmacy this morning when I attempted to put my roommate’s medicine on account there.  I went back outside to a truck that was on E and had been for the whole entire trip to the hospital last night.

Yes, I spent last night in a tiny Texas hospital to take my friend/roommate to get some relief from four long days and nites of sheer mind-bending pain as his back continues to deteriorate.  It looks like I will be taking care of a man bed-ridden with arthritis and degenerative spine disease, and we all know how much fun that will be.  I will do it because I am here, he is here, and it’s just what will probably happen.  He never manages his money properly, and his priorities for spending or “paying” are all wrong in my mind.  Seems like helping me with ever increasing land taxes would take precedence over satellite tv.  But then he knows that I will pay it somehow, no matter how bad it causes me to suffer.  I will not lose the farm out of stupidity.

I think the whole nation of America has gone to hell in a handbasket, quite frankly.  We all initially bought the 9/11 story we were fed.  Very few “average” Americans want to even discuss it, much less consider that our very own government was behind the hell of that day.  It just looks like to me their “cover-up” wasn’t very well executed.  Many very credible people have made crystal clear the obvious discrepancies that became part and parcel of what the media fed to us.  Just like so many of my personal friends, I too was very slow to examine that day with critical thinking.

I believe George Carlin said the best we can do at this point is just try to live our lives as best we can.  How sad.  I know George was “just” a comedian.  But in my mind he was also a genius.  If you search him on YouTube and listen to his last gigs, he will definitely set you straight on who owns America.

You know to be living in a “free society” this is the most damned complicated red-tape agency-controlled place I could ever imagine.  I put my stuff on Facebook and I sign petitions with my real name because I don’t care if people know it’s me saying what I say.  I don’t care if they are “watching,” cataloging and keeping track of me.  Big deal.  I’m just an average Jane.  I’d tell them  straight to their sorry faces.

I don’t like to be negative, but this is different. It’s like having a parent or a husband lie and cheat on you, in the worst sort of way, abandon you, not give a damn, actually Kill innocent people.  Americans.  What the hell kind of world is this.  Some say, “go to Cambodia.”  Go experience life without all the interference and monitoring.  If I wasn’t almost six decades old now, and just too tired, I would be the first on the plane.  I guess I will just go down with my ship.

Today my roommate screamed and raged at me.   After we returned from the hospital my back was killing me too.  I have scoliosis and even when I saw the x-rays of my spine I was shocked.  But my doctor will not prescribe any pain relief unless I am practically incoherent with pain, and you do learn to live with it.  Basically, I just practice everything in my day carefully, so as to avoid any chance of the really “bad” kind of pain.  That means that many chores and things that need doing, just don’t get done.  And for me, that’s heartbreaking.  I wonder if things will get so bad that someday some alien freaks will just invade my tiny farm and haul us away.  Getting old in America generally means only one thing if you don’t have really good kids, which I don’t:  nursing home.  Well, I have a different plan.  Before it gets that bad, or before they come to take me away, I’ll be cruising north toward Colorado looking for a nice soft white mountain of snow that I can lay down in with a bottle of really good rum and a six pack of cokes.  American to the end!  I guess some mass conditioning is inescapable.

I love to write.  It takes me away from the daily fight, it gives me a vent for my ideas and feelings, since I don’t touch the piano anymore.  I also have manic depression, or…  yes…  the dreaded “bipolar.”  Well, that’s the diagnosis I was given a few years back.  Yes, I experience periods of extreme happiness and amazing energy, but I don’t hurt anyone else with it, I don’t hear voices, and I don’t have crazy ideas like some people seem to.  But I hurt and break like a tiny china cup whenever I hear of the cruelties of man against other people and innocent creatures.  I cannot always keep my mouth shut when there is injustice.  Some people don’t like boat-rockers.  Guilty as charged.

So after I returned this morning with my roommate’s medicines, and got treated like an idiot who would take any type of treatment without recourse, I am taken back to my Buddhist proclivities, my learned Zen way of dealing with aggression, and I just want to shut down, retreat, meditate on the “God” energy that is supposed to be inside of me.  Hopefully, this will just be one of those unexpected “bad” days, and tomorrow things will ease up and I can find my way back into some sort of routine.

I really thank all of the people that have read the words I put together.  It has just been a playful exercise in writing, with some sense of seriousness at times.  I came from some really good people who worked very hard to make a life for their family, but it was very hard for them, they suffered with things much the same as I do now.  No way to pay outrageous dentist fees.  So you just deal with the problems as best you can.  My mother died telling me she had a bad tooth.  She went into Baylor Medical in Dallas to have her kidney removed due to a tumor.  She died on the second day after.  I still think about her bad tooth sometimes.

When you are poor, it sucks.  I have had money before, so I can say that.  I used to make $900 every two weeks back in 1993 when I worked downtown Austin for attorneys.  Which is nothing, I know, but I promise you I earned every cent.  Now thanks to the social security I had to pay out of every paycheck, I receive the equivalent of $200 a week.  If I didn’t own my house, I’d be in big big trouble.  If you’ve ever tried to run a house, keep up a vehicle, have clothes, shoes, and eat, it’s freakin hard on $200 a week.  I’ve had a plumbing issue in my bath now for months.  Who can afford a plumber these days…

My favorite child of 21 yrs. lives in Pakistan.  She tells me there are not apartments in Gujar Khan for whities like me with blue eyes.  Probably no apartments period.  I can’t sponsor her financially to get her visa to go to school here, because I’m broke.  Lots of red tape, believe me.  And she’s right up there around Islamabad and Peshawar, the worst of the worst.  Just last week a young woman was shot six times and her father shot in the head as they left a beauty salon in the even worse northwest Pakistan.  Her husband had it done because she divorced him to follow her dream to sing.  I don’t think Islam looks very highly on music of any type.  How very very sad.  Poor poor girl.

So I have no “altered consiousness” to expound upon here today.  I am very much grounded in reality, far more than I have ever experienced in all my life.  As this new presidential election looms ever closer, I am ashamed to say, I will not be voting.  As George Carlin said, it is just an “illusion of choice.”  I tell you what, if anyone ever does try to take me by force, or take my land, or if America quickly reaches the inevitable collapse course it is riding the ragged edge of right now, they better have a good plan for me, because I will become their biggest nightmare.  I can show you bipolar!

So now I will return this laptop back to the ungrateful roommate that gave it to me two years ago, because I no longer want to argue and dance around asking to have it back.  He broke my television moving furniture, his extra large monolith is in the pawn shop and the satellite people want over $300 to turn it back on.  But despite looming overdue land taxes, he will no doubt go get his tv and pay the satellite company rather than relieve my stress and help me save our home.  Because he can’t amuse himself at all, with a book, or by doing something fun, because he has long passed being that “fun” guy I first met in 2001.

But you know what?  It doesn’t really matter.  None of it.  I had a super great grandfather and grandmother that I still love and miss everyday because they showed me what living in a home could be like without yelling, wife-beating and the daily “tension theatre.”  I can just go back to their beautiful little white framed bungalow up on the hill, and in my mind, I can recapture what I recognized to be kind and gentle, caring people, who were able to show a confused and scared little girl a little compassion.  Anyway, I am just waiting for my audio cd from Deepak Chopra to finally come in from Amazon (Yes, I spent some ten odd dollars early in the month) so I can shut my eyes and listen to his beautiful intelligent voice calm my raging soul.

Next month I will no doubt try to get a new laptop on payments, so I can once again enjoy reading and following my friends and heros.  I have my priorities too.   And don’t worry about leaving me cheery comments this time.  I know this was just a major blow-out for me.  I just like to play around with writing.  hehe  Take care Mags, Melody, Eideard, Nye, Jules and all you really great writers and photo-journalists.  I’ll be back asap because I love to read your stuff!  Love, Cissy  (peace!)

Farm News Update from Critters in Residence

Hi Folks, my name is Abigale, and I am the oldest farm dog, rat terrier, in residence at the farm.  Mom takes care of me, but Jim is my man.  I adore Jim.  I live for Jim.  I thought I should write something here since Mom is too busy growing plants to do it…   We have a new friend that comes around sometimes now, his name is Steve and he is thirty years old.  Mom says he is just a kid.  hahaha   He has two big labrador dogs, Coco and Solace.  Our big dogs Biscuit and Summer aren’t impressed.  Biscuit doesn’t act very nice at all when they are here…

There was a major incident one day when Steve was here working on the rv trailer, he’s taking it apart and recycling all the parts, but one day he was busy inside, and all of a sudden, he came flying out of there, a huge red wasp chasing him.  He landed almost on top of Summer who then started chasing him and pulled his jeans and left a mark on his ankle…  he was yelling and carrying on so, he ended up on top of a metal shed nearby, with Summer and Jim at his heels.   What a site that was….

Steve wants to help Mom and Jim build an organic garden out of the farm, so Mom is busy growing all kinds of vegies.  She just planted some heirloom lettuce and some heirloom cherry tomatoes, and also some spinach.  She is also growing some cucumbers, some herbs, and she has three tomato plants in pots.  She refuses to plant anything directly in the ground because we have leafcutter ants here, the Texas kind.  She won’t put bad chemicals into the ground to kill them, because she doesn’t want to hurt the birds that live here.

Mom wanted chickens here, not just for the eggs, but mainly to see if they would eat some of these pesky nasty grasshoppers.  One night my husband/friend Jerry (also rat terrier) was struck by something very mean outdoors while he was trying to relieve himself.  He didn’t even cry out, but when Mom let him back in, his back leg had already started to swell.  So she saw that right away, and looked for the wound.  We’re not sure it was a snake, although it probably was.  It could have been a scorpion that Jim saw around the porch earlier.  Old Jerry can’t see hardly at all anymore, so it must have just creeped up on him, poor guy…

My sister Cleo is not feeling well these days.  Jim fed us bites when we were younger that Mom thinks damaged our teeth.  Cleo needs to have her teeth professionally cleaned, but Mom is swamped with bills right now, just to save the farm, so she will probably work on Cleo herself, which we Really Hate, Doctor Mom time… yuk…..

So that’s about it, Mom went to the doctor yesterday and told him she was taking two months off from tests, and other doctor things, so she could enjoy her summer.  She promised him that in the fall she would make all the appointments for all the poking and prodding she hates so much.  Poor Mom.  Even Mom has a doctor —- …. hahahahahah.

We hope everyone is having a great summer so far, we hope your gardens look perfect and beautiful, and that everyone takes a couple of months off from stress, and worries, no problems, no concerns, just wake every day to another glorious summer day.  Mom wear shorts and her bathing suit sometimes…  it’s really funny….   (sorry Mom)…

Myself, I’m just waiting for the chickens to come…  they don’t know it yet, but I can’t wait to chase those big creepy birds around the yard!  hahahahaha, oh, yes, and Mom wants me to tell you “sorry, no pics…”  she has to go to Mr. Moon at the Radio place, and buy a new battery for her camera.  She says Everything costs Sooooo Much these days…..   I tell her, chickens don’t…..    🙂  bye for now, Abigale at the farm

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