Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Archive for September, 2012

Evil Beyond Recognition

What made me think of it, was the phrase “Let’s Roll.”  It reminded me of a first awareness of the gravity and depth of the thing.  Hearing the story for the first time, of the frightening ordeal than ensued in an aircraft most likely headed for The White House, was a personal moment of change for me.  Reading the story of the wives and partners of the heroes aboard that particular plane, as they received cell phone transmissions, will forever be a great part of who I am and what I can never forget.

I was just an at-home internet marketer at the time, making some unbelievable money for what I was doing:  providing advertising to people in the medical field.  It was early in the morning, before work.  It was like something was pulling me… telling me to reach up and turn on the radio.  It was then that I first heard the words “plane into the building.”

I also remember the day President Kennedy was shot and killed in plain view for all of Dallas and the world, as he rode in a “motorcade” beside his lovely wife.  In hindsight, I now realize that this particular man was a genius, rather a gem in the world of politicians.  President Kennedy was a true leader of men, authentic, and caring, who believed in the rights of all men.  So he passed over in a most violent and brutal way.  Even for a tiny girl in the second grade, it is not something you will ever forget.  American Tragedy and Betrayal.  It is true of many, many Americans.

And so, such was the day I raced across the sand to the Office Trailer, flung open the door and announced to Jim that something was really wrong.  Bad wrong.  I repeated the words “Plane into the building” and was blurting out words faster than I could think…  “Don’t know where it’s happening!!!  Just heard it on the radio!”

The next two hours were spent in silent shock as we both sat and stared at the CNN News Alert, broadcast live of course, when the second plane hit the other tower.  Soon after that Jim left, going back to the office.  I stayed on watching, all day in fact.  Saw one Tower go down, then the other, in real time.  Sat shaking, trying to take it all in.  Thinking that this could not possibly be happening.  Where were the fighter jets, surely ready to go at a moment’s notice, ready to intercept precisely at such a national crisis?  Right then and right there, I was shaking my head, thinking “What’s wrong with this picture!!!???”

I’ve since found a whole lot wrong with that picture, as have many.  Many people have been silenced that first found their voice in these first moments of shock.  I have a friend, actually a business acquaintance, whom I highly respect, who for all practical purposes to a relative stranger such as myself, aside from the www, has disappeared.  I have left several attempts to contact her, and no answer back.  It really concerns me now, as she showed excessive bravery and uncommon journalistic excellence.  My heart is indeed heavy tonight as I continue to wonder where she is.

But now I stray too far from the point, which is the reason for my little tribute to the innocent victims of fate beyond their imagination or control, a day that should have opened all our eyes immediately, but was too impossible to bear.  Yes, what had the most impact on me, moving past events of that unspeakable day more than a decade ago, to now, was the words, perhaps the final words, “Let’s roll.”  Then silence on the other end, and the phone goes dead.  That’s the main thing I think of, the uncommon Valour, present in the hearts of good men, ready to right a wrong, not hesitating to take control of a very bad situation, at any cost…

I wonder where those guys are today.  No doubt looking down on their kids, left behind, but still loved totally, nonetheless.  Fulfilling their own personal destinies, at just the right time and in just the right moment, as it was always planned.  Now, like so many other Americans, I often think after an especially bold move on my part, if I do say so, “that’s just How We Roll!”  Words immortalized when an otherwise unspeakable day found its redemption in the words of an unlikely hero.

In tribute to all brave men and women of America, that fight every single day for right, who risk their lives to do that job, the quiet heroes that are the life-blood without which we’d all perish, I fear…  I make this humble post to my blog, in memory of a September over a decade ago now, when the odd and evil plans of some heretofore unknown entity took root and forever changed all of the lives of America’s people, from the Heart of Texas all the way back up to the beautiful people who must still live the unthinkable, on so many levels.

I’ll end this post by saying again, “there is no room for Nuclear in our world!”  We are clumsy and far too primitive to be trusted with such knowledge.  It is high time that all of us look the evil squarely in the eyes, as we have to, and see it clearly as the deceiver, the weaver of lies and total disregard for the sanctity of human life.  We are fast approaching the point of “critical mass” as I see it.  Simplistic, perhaps, but true.  It will be up to each and every one of us, individually, to be clear in our understanding, that no more will such lunacy, such depravity, be accepted on any terms.

It really no more matters who and why, but only that it is!!!  And much like the classic armageddon movie plots, we are finding ourselves standing in the crossroads, time to choose whether to remain complacent and quiet in the face of more dysfunction in our society, or to choose the higher road, to effect positive change, to be the change we want to see, to coin a phrase…   A friend and business acquaintance of mine recently quoted for me:  “It’s not good to stand in the middle of the road…  you can get hit by both sides of traffic.”  I draw the comparison by saying:  “Don’t just stand there!!!  Do something!”

Good night kind and innocent girl, whose husband died on that day, that he might save so many more.  He was a real and true hero and leader of men, of which you can be forever and unendingly proud.  Out of all the chaos, you can always look for that one bright light to shine forth, and that day it was in the form of two sparkling eyes, ready to do what had to be done, thus fulfilling their own true destiny.  God bless us all.  “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

For you, Chauncey Gardner!

There is a voice for every animal here at the farm.  I can hear them plainly in my mind!  They can speak to me so clearly, I’d like to turn them down a notch or two…

My one and only true objective in this lifetime is to serve their needs.  From the moment I hit the floor until the time I don’t get up again, I am supplying the food needs and nutrition of my little tribe, here on the farm.  Or maybe I should say, our little pack…. omg!?  Within my spiritual quest, I recently read that once we choose an animal, to be with us, we have bestowed upon them the opportunity and the responsibility of becoming human in their next lifetime!  This pleases me immensely because it certainly would explain a lot!  hahaha 

In my mind’s eye, when Abigale passes over, she will once again rejoin her spiritual pack of duck hunting dogs!  Of course, in this lifetime, she is only a very humble rat terrier yet just chocker-block full of all kinds of amazing working dog and hunting dog breeds, not to mention the terrier, which is made of pure audacity!  Old Jim calls her out when she’s being like “the old school marm” which was in olden days, the one and only town schoolteacher.  Aren’t words just delightful?  How they connect us,  follow along with us?  How they do change…

Of course the conversation is not at all one-sided, my clan knows many words and phases, which are always authenticated with proper intonation!  I can become so connected with this little pack of rat terriers and aussie mix dogs, among others…  that at night in the dark, on our nightly promenade, my sounds and my bird calls can cause quite a stir, not to mention a few squirrel chirps, which brings to mind the word “cut!”  That didn’t work, it’s embarrasing, really…  there’s no squirrels up at this hour!  They are tucked away snugly in the old abandoned raccoon tree, the one that was hit by lightning and now lays in two humongous pieces, like broken arms of some ancient extinct creature upon the ground, sad, but home to the likes of any self-respecting squirrel during the dark hours. 

Abi has bird dog in her blood, as I have seen pictures now of hounds, with her exact coloring, a light red-head, spotted she is…  her aunts and uncles no doubt of great birding lineage.  The dead give-away is when she stops and picks up her foot, holding it up, staring straight ahead, pointing…  a little rat terror that points! 

Abi had a few babies in her day, she saved my life more than once clearly.  I remember the last pregnancy I allowed, laying up into the late evening rubbing her pear-shaped belly, telling her she was going to have some pretty babies.  She learned the word “babies” and was always the very proud mother.  But for some reason I noticed that one of her babies, and maybe others too, was prone to shaking, just like a chihuahua will do, as if his poor nerves were just shot!  hahaha

I hope those babies made it okay!  It always took every ounce of fortitude I could muster to let them go out of my hands, so tiny and innocent they were, so adorable and dependent! 

The best time I can remember, well, just one of them, these two guys showed up out at Irene’s farm, where I was staying, in a big one-ton dually,  flat-bed work truck, to see the latest little litter of babies.  These belonged to Abi’s little sister, Cleo.  Of course, you always have your favorites, you just can’t help it.  And this was one of those times.  Both guys gravitate right toward the two smartest, the two bravest, and the two I had invested the most time into, much to my horror as a mom! 

One guy was older, crusty, hard as stone in a wiry older kind of way, clothes far too worn and tired, like he was.  But when he smiled, oh my goodness.  The twinkle in his eye could light you up!  The obvious spray of wrinkles across his sunburned cheek just emphasized these sparkling eyes.  This guy had humor and insight for days! 

The other guy was younger, bigger, stronger by far, just by sheer youth alone.  He was completely bearded, with soft curly hair behind his ears and to his shoulders, wearing of course, overalls.  No shirt.  Enough to make a girl of any background swoon.  Which did not help in the least to negotiate price and payment much less giving up these two special babies…  but I guess, in hindsight, they were all very special!  hehe

Yes, I let them take my favorites, the smallest, and the smartest.  With a much reduced price, I might add, Half-Off my regular price, to be exact.  I will say this:  Even though I am not, nor ever was, in the business of breeding puppies, I can only hope and pray that those babies that I sent out into the world were able to bring even one small bit of the joy that their parents have brought me and the rest of us, here at the farm. 

Abi is getting on up in her years these days, and she’s as lazy as pie.  With all this brutal heat day after long day, she is loathe to leave her Serenade Pillow-Top spot on Jim’s bed, right by the old AC unit, the prime real estate in that room.  I can help her with her transitions, such as with glucosamine for doggies, and proper exercise and attention.  It’s a new commitment I have made for both of us. 

I’m sure before it’s all said and done, Abi and I have lots more squirrels to bark at and ducks to chase by the pond.  It’s not a pretty sight, much like that movie Hope Floats with Harry Connick Jr. and Sandy B., of Austin notoriety, in the scene where she watches her mother out the window down in the water with the ducks, and the yellow lab chasing the ducks, and barking…  and she’s shouting “Bad Dog!  Bad Dog!”  It’s classic and now I use it all the time, of course.  🙂

Tonite, at Chez Cissy’s Farmhouse Bistro, we had tiny slices of organic celery stalks, in olive oil with thin round slices of gold organic potatos, onion and spices, fresh basil, just a little, a few green peas from the freezer for good measure, and then topped off with a creamy milk gravy with more celery.  Oh, and I forgot, the reason for the goodness, the splurge:  thin slices of barely frozen beef, a chiffonade of beef in Worchestershire Sauce, caramelized with the vegies first, of course, then added.  Yes, the smells were pretty supreme!  When Old Jim comes in afterwards and starts putting leftovers up, you know it was pretty good!  I always sneak some good bites to all the critters too, just the meat parts usually, as I am not supposed to be eating that.  (Got to be more disciplined!)  It’s just hard to give up making great meals flavored with good cuts of meat from time to time!  I know, I am sooo bad.  Cholesterol, ethical concerns, health concerns, I know!!! 

What I learned this week!  “All true artists must experience struggle in their life.”  I must have been channelling a new friend this week, because I started a new blog, that seems to be all about her!  Maybe it is my undeniable intent to write a blog about a truely authentic artist, which in this case, doesn’t happen to be me.  I’m one of those…  ooohh,  I hate to use the term:  “Jack-of-all-Trades.”  Yiiicchhh, there… I said it.  Yes, I play a little music, understand and appreciate frequencies and the history of music totally,  from many perspectives, I might add.  I am a true lover of Art, my favorite being the Impressionists of France.  I’m crazy over the Art Deco era, loving the architecture, the glamour, the celebrities, the high style!  My favorite artist is Renoir, but he is laughing hysterically at me creating such a blog as to infer that I myself might be an artist. 

It is said that if you don’t focus into one specialty, then you will be master of none.  That is my curse.  As for my new friend, I have clearly only begun to scratch the surface of what may lie beneath!  This is a true artist, and one with a true style developed that shows in everything she does.  As everyone probably knows, I am just a total all things equine maniac!  So it might not surprise you that I just happened to mention to her about a painting of horses, or of a horse.  She has a little fuzzy white dog with incredibly expressive eyes!  Oh, the stories those two could tell, I bet! 

Well I just wanted to say that I have made a few honest attempts at forming the new blog I’ve been incubating…  now I have one totally rejected draft, and the new one, totally inexplainable to me at this point, but I’m working on it!  🙂

So I pray you keep the home fires burning, the candle in the window, the pot of coffee on the stove, and the biscuits in the oven!  There’s lots more to come, if I can just get myself in gear!  Cleo and Abi say “amen!”  And that sure was some tastey gravey tonight, Mom!  Good night! 


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