Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Archive for October, 2012

Post to Heaven, please…

Letter:  To Momma in Heaven

Dear dear Momma:

Hi!  This is Cecile.  I can’t believe I am writing this for you today, but I am.  It seems whenever I back off the anti-depressant medicine, my brain stays in one mode, the afterlife.  I know, it’s terrible, but then, I do work on it everyday.  I want to be better, believe me.

I wanted to tell you some things, even if you know already, and of course I need to ask you a million questions.  Mainly, will you be there for me if I make it up there, because I will probably be lost and alone, as usual…   I sure hope so! I am so looking forward to seeing you!!!

Did you know that it is almost 2013???  Remember you crossed over in 2001.  Did you know that I just got a letter back from your baby sister Nanan?  She is 72 years old now, and I just turned 57.  Christ, Momma, I’m almost sixty years old now!!!  It’s insane!

First of all, it looks fairly accurate to say that there are real aliens on Earth now.  Things are beginning to add up, like the videos of most of the sitings look exactly like the one I saw over the backroad that time.  A lot of people, even Jim here at home, won’t talk about it.  I think Jim is just scared out of his mind over it.  He is very loud and animated whenever I want to talk about it.  So I just gave up.  It is very “earth-shattering” to me, and of course, I would want to know everything, but the information is still being covered up, like so many other things now…

Maybe you know I ran into a “channeller” at Celebration in Austin a few years back and I let her read me.  She came out with major energy from Bubba and Papa; she started moving her arms back and forth, saying there were just waves of love coming from them to me.  It made me feel very good and still does.  I miss them more than life itself sometimes.  I miss everything about them.  Do you get to see Bubba?  Is she doing good?  What are y’all doing, anyway?  The Lady channeller said that you were “in a place up here” as she held her hand up by her head, and that Daddy was “down here” in a much different learning place.  I asked her if you could see him, and she said yes, that you can, but again, you are in far different places.

You love to read and study, so if that is what you are doing, then I am glad.  I got your very sweet card at the storage unit that time.  It did feel like you were with me in the car, but I just couldn’t get my head around it.  But when I raised up that big metal door, and there lying right in front of me on top of a box, was your beautiful purple birthday card to me, I really knew that you were trying to speak to me.  It was really cool.

You know, a lot of wierd things happened after Daddy died.  I still love him a lot, too.  Did you know that I ended up getting some things from the trunk of his car?  How wierd is that!   Some police officer called me from Austin and gave me the number to call for a body shop way down in South Austin, where Daddy’s car had ended up.  The mechanic had found the trunk still full of Daddy’s stuff, so they found me somehow, and I went out (twice in fact) to retrieve his things.

Things are going okay around here these days.  I am learning how to deal with Jim’s strange sleeping habits, or lack of them actually.  And he has developed this really strange eating disorder.  He won’t eat.  I try to make good meals at least once a day, and I serve it up to him on a beautiful plate, just like in a restaurant, but he will only nibble at things, and then he sneaks away to give them to Abigale.  By the way, please be there for me and Abigale, when her time comes.  She is a very sweet and sensitive rat dog, and she gets almost no exercise from being glued to Jim 24/7.  I worry for her a lot, but she is 100 percent devoted to Jim, so I can only watch over them.  Little Cleo just went to the vet and had her teeth worked on.  She feels much better, but we just can’t seem to help her lose any weight.  Both dogs have some arthritis which makes them stiff sometimes.  I do everything I can to be cheery for them, and play ball, and we take small walks around the farm.  Oh, Momma, the farm is in such terrible shape, I can hardly begin to tell you.

The trees here are dying.  The big ones.  At least some of them.  It shocks the hell out of me to see the giant cedar trees turning cinnamon orange and just dry up.  Why is that happening, Momma?  What karma,  could that be in some way for me to learn some lesson?  I love the trees.  It kills me to see them like this.  I found a guy named Steve, you may know, and he came and took down the big one in the driveway before it fell on anyone.  But there are lots of others that need attention and I have no idea what to do, other than buy another chainsaw and do it myself.  You probably know there were terrible wildfires out here last year, but the farm was okay.  But I feel a real urgency to clean up the property lines so a fire won’t jump across.  But last year it got so big it jumped Highway 71, so I just don’t know…  Please if you can, help the people here in the US that have fires destroying their homes.  It is hard for me to imagine if it happened to me.

Momma, getting old is not all that great, but then, you probably remember…  Momma, my hair is getting thinner by the day.  I just hate that.  You know I am not vain, I have no reason to be, but good grief, now I know why Bubba wore her little “wiglet” whenever we went to Longview.  And I can tell, I’m starting to walk like an old person sometimes.  I can still run, trust me, and I can do most things but lifting, but by the late afternoon or evening, my back is in all kinds of pain.  Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you had scoliosis too?  Why did you wait so long to tell me that?

Guess what I nearly did?  I nearly brought home a little miniature horse and his donkey friend!  I found them on a rescue site, and I negotiated with the owner to get them here.  But at the last moment I freaked out, because everybody was against it.  I told the lady I couldn’t do it, mainly because the farm is covered in sticker grass, which is very bad for equine.  Nobody ever mowed for me Momma, so the whole farm is a mess of nasty dark stickery rudbeckia and everything is chest deep in weeds and stickers.  Another thing I am planning on!!!  Buying my own lawnmower and trying to do it myself.  Four acres is a lot!  So anyway, if you can, please look in on Buddy Bear and Jacko up in Bryan.  If you can help their “mom” I surely would appreciate it.

Momma, I could go on with this forever; there is so much to say…  I hope you’re okay.  Maybe you know about my little friend, Bushra.  She is really amazing and if you had anything at all to do with that, thank you very much.  It almost lets me feel what it would have been like to have my own daughter.  I can see the feelings now.  Momma, she is in a very rough place.  And the people there have a very strong influence on her.  She’s young, Momma, she needs to be able to get out and have a little freedom.  Talk to some kids her own age.  But all she has is the internet.  And so I try to be a good influence on her.  All the time I tell her that she can be strong, and be anything she wants to be.  But it is not so easy for her.  Their religion is very strong.  She fears for me, that I will go to hell.  I hope not Momma, I try to be good.  Maybe you can have some clout when it comes to my time.  And also maybe you can help all the people in her country to forgive us.

Well, it may be my time sooner than we think.  I don’t know why I worry about that.  I feel okay, but I’m always afraid of that silent killer, the thing that I didn’t see coming.  I am having all kinds of trepidation when it comes to my Doctor.  He is a nice guy, really, but we don’t communicate well.  He doesn’t know me, he only goes on pre-conceived notions.  I want to find a new doctor really bad, but our healthcare systems here are totally screwed up.  If you don’t play the conventional medicine game, you can’t use insurance.  I need to go to a ob-gyn, but I have been putting it off…  and the doctor wants me to get all kinds of tests, and I can’t hardly stand to leave the farm, much less spend time and money submitting myself to all that torture and radiation.

So anyway, I will stop complaining about me, and just ask you a few questions in closing.  Is there anyway you can let me know that you got this letter?  I will be looking for a sign of any kind.  I haven’t heard from you in quite a while, so it would be very nice to hear from you, in some way…

Is it all really just a school of sorts?  Is it all about learning?  About helping others?  I feel so helpless most days, as I watch the news, and see such sadness and conflict in the world.  Most people have to work very hard just to eat and survive.  There are bad earthquakes now Momma, and tsunami’s, and the tornadoes here in the states, it’s like hell on Earth.  If the wildfires don’t get you, the tornadoes could.  We are living in a mobile home that Roy left here, and there is no place to hide if a bad wind storm comes.  I have been thinking about digging a big hole and making some kind of shelter, just in case, but that is a Lot of digging!!!  haha  Do you know about aliens?  Does the space soup just go on forever?  I was relieved to see that almost all creatures seem to be built upon the same model as we are, you know, two eyes, two ears…  but that’s about as far as it goes…  and while the people here are fighting and killing over oil, it seems the aliens have advanced energy technology already shared with our government, but we aren’t getting it!  It’s really a mess.  I hope and pray that our people don’t go completely over the edge about this coming presidential election.  I can’t see how either guy is the answer.  Is there anyone up there that can find a proper leader for the US?  Can’t you find a nice young man with promise, and character, insight and vision, and give him a big nudge?  Can’t you do something about this ridiculous money situation?  I know you are brilliant and that you can have some influence!

Well, that’s about it, I guess, for now.  I miss you Momma.  I am pretty scared about getting old.  More scared about being alone.  You always told me to get used to it, that it wasn’t so bad.  Well, I still disagree with you on that point.  Bye for now, Momma, can you also find a way to make my brother write me a letter?  I would do just about anything on Earth to get to visit Hallsville, but he’s got it shut down like Fort Knox.  It so sad at Christmas, to think of Bubba’s house all dark.  Well, take care, I’ll be looking for something from you now, that you got this letter.  I love you.  Cecile

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