She asked me if I was scared. I felt like screaming at her “DUH! How insensitive and clueless could any one person possibly be? This one directed statement has nagged at my soul endless hours already, and it must be dealt with.
Fairy tales are great here on Earth, but what about in the ethers? What about that? What about the spiritual realms we know little to nothing about. Like a great garden, shamans the world over know it takes years to develop a strong spiritual practice. In Christianity and smaller local places of worship, it is always easy for me to discern people who are very experienced in prayer, and those just there for the sermon.
The strangest addiction of western man, in my humble opinion, is the need for stimulation, and that covers all the lesser sub-addictions. The absolute hardest thing I have ever in my life tried to do, is to strip away all the conditioning, all the pre-conceived notions of how this or that should be, and run past all the fears and the impossibilities like a champion to visualize and accomplish the preferred outcome. When all the layers are peeled away, when all the masks and costumes, and makeup is removed, when you are finally able to simply turn off the endless dialogue or repeating tapes in your head, it can be an extremely shocking and in my case, actually frightening in itself, kind of experience.
So it is hard to imagine a person who never meditates, who has no spiritual practice, but just bounces through life like a pinball forever magnetized to seek that connection, for the points, for that stimulation that drowns out all the calm. So when I think of Sagan, Carlin, Irwin, and so many others, and I wonder where they are, and what they are doing, I am pause to think better, and just know they are once again doing what they loved, what they did best, and for what they gave to us all.
What makes a man extraordinary? What causes a living person to remember the likes of someone already passed? Why do we grieve and mourn the loss of the people we loved? What is it about this connection of the human heart we have all forgotten? It is a pure pathway straight to the Divine, an open road, accessible to anyone who has a heart. I used to have a little terrier, and in the early mornings when I would sit with her on the couch and wake up, I was convinced she was able to meditate, and dream, just like me. Her face was so serene, eyes shut, smiling… heart rate very slow…
Being so very intelligent and stimulating in life, I imagine the many aspects of Carlin are now fully integrated into every interesting nook and cranny of the universe. We loved Carlin because he could stimulate our minds! He could challenge our conditioned thinking and shock us into thinking for ourselves, as if that was something trained out of us. Sure, he was getting older, but he didn’t appear ready to die, at least what I saw of him at the last. But unless he turns out like Mandela, we were told that he’s gone.
So scared? Come on. Death is ALL things, the ultimate peak experience! It surely must be home, or the way there… For this place seems finite in every sense, every nano-second in flux. Whatever was before, is no longer now. And it would seem the only solace is to sit in silence and give over to this fear. Listen to the birds, breathe, grieve, plead, and do whatever you must. I think that is where the fear is born. We fear total loss of connection. We know the feelings, the constant stimulation of being in love, of having children around to look after, of running a business, or managing a house, or building a holistic farm, or how we feel when we do the things we love. What we don’t know is how to listen, to be quiet and just breathe. We simply cannot sit still and that is a shame.
This morning, the beautiful birds are my connection to you. I miss you so greatly that I am willing to follow you, and go blindly where there is no going back. Please be there waiting for me. If angels still have arms, I want to hold you in mine. Just be there. All of you! There can be no fear in that.