Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Posts tagged ‘detachment’

On Losing Heart

Once my writing was criticized for the excessive use of the pronoun “I.”  And indeed, it was a solid and helpful observation.  But sometimes, you might feel compelled to make statements from the first person, for without that “I,” there is no you.

To leave something behind of significance certainly drives me.  And yet my logical mind tells me over and over again, that all things are impermanent, and my Buddhist training tells me that much suffering is born of my Earthly attachments.  And no truer statement has ever been made.  This is a magical, incredible place!  And we can “be” anything we want to be!

To live in pure self-acceptance is the most difficult thing I have ever sought to do.  Apparently, I am firmly attached to the outcome of my story, and the final chapters seem to be looming dangerously ahead.  Like any really good book, you dread those final hours, and you mourn the goodbyes you will ultimately have to make.

We are social creatures, born of attachments.  How ironic and cruel that we must train ourselves to be so austere, so stoic, and so detached from it all.  It literally breaks me apart to realize that I might be one of only a very small few people who would remember my family, my grandparents, my parents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, and my brother.  And me, of course.  No one will likely ever remember me.  Like my most admired friend has told me, nobody cares.

So yes, it might be easy to lose heart.  Is tragedy inevitable?  Is the most dire of circumstances always just right around the next corner?  Over the years, I have learned a great insight.  When you can see a middle ground, something between one side or the other, a place where stark realities and harsh decisions are left for another day, a place where you can be free to imagine beautiful things again…  you just might find your heart again!  Whatso!?…  if a few tears might stain your cheeks in the process!  Take it and know that you are alive and that you have worth and value, and YOU ARE HUMAN!

There are one thousand billion crows, maybe a few billion cats.  They come in and they go out at a fairly quick pace, and we are left to view these things, and to ponder our place in all of it.  There is always much talk of souls, and what is left of us when out ticket is called, and we have no choice but to venture forth into whatever it is that awaits us after this.  I do not want to go, I tell you.  If there is one thing that frightens me more than anything else, it is the leaving.  It is having to go away, into another place apart from this.

It is also the leaving of the body that hurts my heart.  I love this person.  I have been with her since she can remember.  I look in the mirror now, and I see my mother, my grandmother, and traces of my families, both sides.  And with all the great qualities and talents I possess, the one true compass all along, has been my heart.  Sometimes I want to scream out – “She’s a GOOD heart!”  But people are too busy now, mostly…

If I die alone, and leave nothing behind that can’t be quickly erased, then maybe there are other things we might actually leave behind once we’re gone, that still have value, and make a difference.  That’s one reason I work so hard on my tiny patch of land in central Texas.  If I make it better, or more healthy and happy, more productive, more beautiful, for even a short time, that’s something.  If I feed animals, as much and as often as I humanly can, then that’s something.

The simple fact that I care so much, means something.  I think it leaves behind a kind of mark, an indelible effect, and even if people don’t remember my family, or my farm, or me, after so many years, I know in my heart, there are many crows, and many kittens, and there is every reason to believe we might come back.

One of the most horrifying and shocking movies I ever watched was Braveheart.  It’s about a Scottish warrior of some centuries ago, who lead his people against oppression.  In the final scenes, which I could not watch, Mel Gibson’s character is caught and finally killed, in a most unthinkable manner.  That character, and that movie, has bothered me an infinite number of times, somehow validating that indeed, tragedy is our destiny.

Well, then, if that’s the case, at least we know the ending, right?  With that in mind, it seems a good bet that one could also opt out for that middle of the road, unassuming, quiet and kind sort of life, and forego some of this intense struggle and suffering.  That’s my plan anyway.  It doesn’t mean we don’t see the problems, or want to help.  It only means that acceptance of things we cannot change opens up a little free time on the board to do things we might prefer to do, rather than have to.

And as for sharing, that’s always a good thing.  But when you feel private, and serene, and you have paid things forward plenty, and now is the time for small pleasures, make no apologies for it.  Take what is before you in like a feast, because it truly is.  Wherever you look, the bounty is given.  You bet I cry sometimes.  Just like a baby!  Like Mel Gibson when all was lost!  But today, things are calm.  Right now, this minute in time, is mine.  And the feast is abundant with every breath, with every blink of my eye!

Don’t lose heart!  Nourish your soul through the emotions that flow through your veins!  Be an incredible source of love and light, no matter what images or sounds you encounter.  It is true, although it may take a good deal of time and investment of effort, you can be a wonderful person and have a wonderful life.  Just don’t lose heart!  Look for that safe middle ground you can run to.

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To Be A Grower!

Good morning! Just a body made of flesh and bone, and one more prone to bare feet in the grass, this day comes after a long and freezing night. The last mean days of March are upon us, the weary remaining Kind Ones down in Tejas…

Looking North

Looking North

There is an interesting saying… “Knowledge is power.” I tend to disagree. Some knowledge could be useful in the right context for the right person. But hoarding knowledge to the detriment of many others, is not power, it is corruption. Perhaps the word “power” should be seen as a many layered concept. My own personal power lies not in control of anything, because spiritual practice has taught me that there is no control, ever. Detachment is a liberating attitude. I find that in this neutral observance, a strong connection to that which might be termed as my own personal refuge, or power is knowing.

To send your own boys to war, generation after generation, to fight and die for what? Excuse me? Yes, I enjoy a great amount of physical freedom, freedom of choice to a large degree, but protection? Nope. If some young men died to give me these freedoms, then something is wrong in Denmark, my friends. The war machine rages on, and we’ve been feeding it far too long.

There can be solutions of peace. There is still great abundance and cooperation can bring that all to life. To erase the damage done is another thing entirely. Complacent people, yes, but truly exhausted people have been caught unaware. There is no winning another war. Not a civil war, nor a global conflict. Anything coming even close will be the final stages of our complacency. As my contribution, I write, and I grow. Neither one is easy. But both are incredibly rewarding. Embrace the discipline! Do whatever it takes. Do what your own soul tells you to do! Put the television in the closet and cancel your satellite bill. Between learning organic growing, radio communications and basic carpentry (stick building), I stay pretty busy. Looking around, the efforts have not been wasted. Time passes whether we participate or not. When we do, with renewed intent, the resulting outcome is tangible achievement. That is where you find your rewards… in your achievements. I put to you here and now, it is your responsibility, and indeed a large part of your stewardship, to share what you have and what you know. It is our goodness and bravery that will surely save us.

We have a young man coming here to the farm in April. He is from West Texas and has family in Arkansas. He can see we have very little in terms of the trappings of the rich. What we do have is great potential to live a good life in peace, regardless of the chaos around us. And he sees that. I am offering to him all that I have. He found me. So we will see where this goes. Personally, my goal and greatest motivation is to someday be fully confident to call myself a Grower. My new friend is going to help me.

So Good Morning, my lovely friends! The ice too will melt, and the delicate blades of grass will emerge. Buds will show on the ends of the bare limbs, and we continue to fight the good fight. What do I believe in? I believe in the Sun, I believe in children, and I believe in the inherent goodness of all people. I send you all love!

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