Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Posts tagged ‘hope’

Finally… I can breathe again…

It’s impossible to know how your life will turn out. As you go down the road, you can make plans, and choose certain paths… you hope for the best, and you work hard. And when difficult, even terrible things happen, it’s really not at all about the problem, or the obstacle, no matter how dire or hopeless it might seem. It’s all about how you react to it. It’s all about what you do about it. How you do it. How realistic you can be. How flexible and open to new ideas you can be. How willing you are to give and give and then still give some more. That’s what matters.

I haven’t seen two dimes to rub together in longer than I care to think on. I’ve given up all the modern American obsessions years ago, to live a simple, very basic life. I’ve always loved the Earth and gardening, growing things and flowers, I just never had the time to do a good job at it, because I had to work, and work every day very long hours, driving the long commutes back and forth, like so many, to pay for my place, for my dream. I had a great grandfather, but nobody provided for me. When I turned 18 and graduated, it was pretty much Adios Amiga! Good luck and all that…

I didn’t have the brains and the determination to be a true professional, mostly I didn’t have the discipline. A woman I met recently was hell-bent on defining everything in terms of her version of Astrology… or should I say “Ass-trology.” I know that’s very mean… sorry… (like on SNL: “sorry”) haha I believe in the stars and I know they direct and chart our very existence. But I don’t bring up astrology first thing when I meet someone… good grief, it’s 2014, and we’ve progressed somewhat since 1970 I think…

Anyway, for some reason, my fingers have always had an innate connection directly to my brain and whatever I have ever wanted to do, whether for fun or profit, I could do with my hands, or well, my fingers to be specific… I play the piano and I type really fast, without thinking about either one… Typing paid my rent, playing the piano has filled my soul and made this life very special indeed… feels like a gift from God actually…

But my homelife as a kid was never stable or easy, there was always tension in the home, many times abuse of varying degrees, and lots of dysfunction coming from the parents, which translated directly into lots of dysfunction in my brother, bless his heart, who has never recovered from it all… So my one dream as a girl growing up, was to one day have a home, like a small piece of land, with a house on it, that I could own, and love, where there would never be a harsh word, or fear or unhappiness, where animals and people alike could come and share good times and serenity. Live in peace.

Well this year I turned 59. And I think I have all the ducks in a row, after a very huge WAKE-UP call just this past week or so… it was 50/50 lose it all or hope for a miracle… Well, the miracle came, it’s not a windfall by any means, but I earned it, and now I’m sharing it back… one friend I love very much said once when he helped me out in a desperate time, just to pay it forward, that was all he asked. He had faith in me, that one day my life would turn around again, and things would sort themselves out properly. And they did.

This amazing summer of 2014 could be the end of struggling, and the beginning of only good things from now on. So good in fact, that I can start to think about writing on my other blog “In the Life and Mind of an Artist” and maybe even get started on my projects I’ve had to put aside for so long… To the young man who recently said to me, “Sew? Really? You haven’t sewed in years, why would you even want to start that now…” Like it was completely ridiculous to him. Well, son, I hate to tell you, but tell a woman she can’t do something, and she will do it come hell or high water… you’ll learn… Another supposedly “good” friend of mine, although usually being supportive on the surface, was always the one to remind me about “money” when it came to another dream of mine, which is to ride again, to have a horse again. Now I’d like to tell her to her face that it doesn’t take winning the lottery or even getting a huge settlement for an accident that should never have happened… What it takes is planning, financial strategies, a good heart, and a lot of help from upstairs… 🙂

Life is good at the Little Ranch, Summer 2014 Arnie at one year...

Life is good at the Little Ranch, Summer 2014
Arnie at one year…

This summer, after a couple of weeks of 24/7 stress for days, I see light at the end of the tunnel, finally, and I can blog now, and take pics with my great digital camera I love so much now… (took me a while to adjust, cause I’m older–haha) I can play my keyboard, maybe even get something I can use professionally now, and with any luck at all, all the things I’ve dreamed of doing can happen now. I won’t just have my safe home, but I’ll be helping a lot of other people in the bargain… just wait and see… this is my second chance, and I won’t be wasting it!

Meet Marie Taylor

Whenever you embark upon a creative endeavor, it always includes a spiritual aspect. You can never tell where roads will take you, until you make the journey. One of the most beautiful and meaningful facets of human emotion and intellect is inspiration. It is the main driving force for all positive expression and the wellspring of energy and vision. If you ever find yourself at a low spot, dig yourself out and when you are ready, look for that inspiration to move forward.

When I began to formulate my initiative for writing again, I came across this beautiful soul named Marie Taylor, whose artistry and understanding, vision and beauty, became my inspiration to once again find purpose in life. I highly encourage you to explore her website; her art has style and vision far beyond what I can put into words. Thank you, Marie, for sharing yourself with us.

So, in beginning my latest commitment to reach people again, to give hope in this challenging and often frightening world, here is a magnificent and beautiful poem written by Marie, with so much love and understanding, I was compelled to share it with you. I know you will enjoy it.

Say Not Wait
by Marie Taylor

What is life but the splinters
of golden moments drilled and strung
and mounted in a net woven
by old women sitting in high clouds
chanting forgotten songs to dead heroes.

What is love but a white knight
who goes to distant lands in search
of the fair Elaine who carries the cup
whose lips Christ touched
one starry night before the blood came.

What is desire that we should say
‘wait’ or ‘I can not’ or ‘I am not ready’
because when we do, love slips away
into the forests of time leaving not
a trail for birds to follow anywhere.

So how can we say ‘no’ or ‘stop’
or ‘wait’ to the river that flows on
without ceasing. But reaching up,
let us grab the back of a fin and
slide beneath the waves and taste eternity.

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