Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Posts tagged ‘change’

For Lauren ~

Proceed with Caution:  Strong Feminine Influence Ahead!  I must admit there have been more than a few times when I’ve stopped mid-flight, like some poised stage actor, at that one final instant before you accidentally step off that enormous cliff. And in this moment, I have wondered so innocently, “What do I do?”

There are many situations that can present in our modern world.  I believe that the modern woman is stretched so far beyond what has been our traditional roles, that even in this great year of 2014, I feel like a cave-woman, washing out my skins in the river.  It’s important to remember that even though we are highly equipped these days to zoom in and out, it might be prudent to take time out of your week, every week, to touch back down.  Literally put your bare feet onto Mother Earth, in her dirt, her dampness, her sometimes stickery greens…

It all feels like a test to me.  So if we are being asked to stretch, a lot, then okay.  I can do that.  The best moment in my morning is that first long enjoyable stretch standing in the wet grass that is my tiny front yard.  It is so cute and so poignant, that Mother Nature herself is right at the very edge, at the ready on the entire periphery that is my domain, such as she be. Whatever their test was or is, I’ve managed to fit in my agenda as well, and I like to think that it is a compliment and well worth the enduring effort.

I see so many amazing women now, thanks to the internet.  We still visit, and we share.  Some ladies might not know it, but when they share their family celebrations on social media, like pictures of relatives, great spreads on the table, and their own emotional words to garnish, people like me who miss that so very much, can once again remember and relish those times.  It is a truly amazing gift.

There’s always a bigger stick.  We just have to get over that.  As I try to re-arrange my mind and my environment, and my life to include another new person, unexpected and yet completely not…  it feels like this game we are in is actually much more than just a test.  It is an inter-active learning field that is the high-tech version of a “scratch-n-sniff…”  🙂  They say everything we perceive as matter is just an energy field that vibrates.  Understanding that my emotions and energy, what I give forth also create such fields, ripples into the universe, it feels like second nature, like moving through a landscape and waving my arms and voila’ — there before me appears something else new and wonderful and exciting!

Truth is, I am working harder at 59 than I ever thought I could.  I thought by now, I could just kick back and coast for a while.  Oh, no!  🙂  That tendency is evidently not in me, thank goodness.  Things are speeding up and you would do well to keep up, if you can.  How do you do that?  By not becoming overwhelmed by anything.  Do not let Anything Completely break you down to the catatonic state we all know.  Oh sure, you can have a little mini-meltdown on the back porch, punch a pillow in the laundry room, or if you are truly at your wit’s end, run, run, run…  just put on your shoes and take off!

Someone in my family used to tell me, “Just buy some time.”  That is very good advice if you are feeling confused and a bit disorganized, not knowing where to start.  You have been dealt a great blow, and you must heal and shore up your reserves again.  The goal could be to envision something even better.  A new Lauren that is more flexible, more wise, more giving, more patient, and much much more beautiful!  ❤

Here’s what I learned in the experience of standing alone.  You aren’t going to die!  Whatever problem or obstacle, whether it is real or merely a worry, can be healed, changed, de-railed or avoided altogether.  Nothing is ever written in stone.  It is okay to change your mind a hundred times or more!  That’s how you get it right!  All you have to do is to look into the faces of your children to know if you are on the right track.  The innocence and the wonder is all still there.  You can ignite their curiosities and their interests, and in so doing, find your own bliss in these moments.

Remember this too!  Things can change in a New York minute!  So best be ready for the time when you will Want To Be More!  When you meet someone who somehow makes you better than you really are!  But until then, you are good just like you are.  In fact, you are surrounded in a great sphere of energy built of love and protection and pride and joy from all of your soul-family that has come before you.  They sing and laugh and cry with you all the way.  They hold you up when you don’t think you can breathe.

And if mistakes happen, tragedy strikes, sadness grabs you, that’s okay too.  I am the most accident-prone person on the planet.  If there is a mess to be made, I will make it.  But I have to try.  We have to try.  At least when they call our ticket, we can stand up and go, “Okay, I did my best.”  And if that is the end of this test, well, I used to feel a great deal of melancholy at the end of the year when I closed that little booklet and set down my pencil.  I knew that this year was done, my time in this class was over.  But we did not die.  We kept going.  I think that is the lesson to learn.  And it’s okay to reach for that bliss, if you can, whenever you can!

Lauren, follow your bliss!

Health Education is Simple

Here is a video of a man named John Bergman. He has many available on the YouTube. He is one of many modern-day pioneers who are excitedly forging a new age of healing and medicine in our western societies.

Here is an insert from a post to my facebook page.

He boils it down, this guy, if you take medications from a doctor, these pills are doing either one of three things, and long-term, none of them good. Once again, another actually intelligent healer (isn’t that what doctors are supposed to be?) makes sense of the overwhelming loss of good health in our country. But as bad as it sounds, he also gives us very easy to understand techniques to use for re-building our bodies AND minds! Good stuff! My roommate won’t even look at things I send him. Right now he’s laying on his bed in a dark room holding his hands, clearly in pain. He’s had three back surgeries, on multiple meds, and I can tell you exactly what’s wrong with him. A LIFETIME of stress. His body is so tight, and he’s bombarded it with so many bad things, instead of trying to heal the problems, he just shuts down. So sad. If you take any kind of medicine for blood pressure, cholesterol, depression or anything else, you need to understand that you will never feel better until you clean it all up. Re-invent yourself and your lifestyle. By watching that vid I just learned that by exercising you can actually improve the elasticity or quality of your brain function!

Let’s say you’re like my old pal. You made some mistakes with your health but now you live with someone vitally interested in reversing all the damage Americans have sustained over the past 50 years. She reads, she makes notes, she learns, she experiments with whole foods and supplements and she does everything she possibly can to bring about positive change. At the age of 60, would you listen sometimes, ask questions, or would you just lie there with a terrible face on, and just deal with the pain?

That my friends, is suffering. It is true that many Buddhist teachings and precepts provide great zen reflections for life. Leaning a lot more toward the outrageously scandalous controversial teachings of Teal Scott, perhaps suffering is not necessary. Get over it people. Whatever your deal is, you chose it and if you don’t like it, you can fix it. No one else can. They can help and they can guide, but if you want to suffer, and that’s all you focus on, then that’s what you’ll do.

Getting older is a bit of an ordeal, no doubt, but like all things in this life, we’ve got a heads up these days, so we can prepare for it. When you don’t feed the body properly, when you don’t move it about and do work that you enjoy and love, when you don’t live every day like it is a precious gift, then apparently this is the result. So sad.

It’s a beautiful day. I wish I was packing up a basket to take out to the lake. Maybe I’ll just have to have my own personal picnic outside in the yard.

Please, if you don’t feel good today, or you have issues you can’t seem to solve, just start with yourself. When I was in my early 40’s I had to totally change my career and stop the commute and go home, or die early. This month I will see birthday number 59! That’s pretty amazing! Still don’t have my horses yet, no donkeys yet, no chickens yet, and I’ve got to put this down right now and go work in the compost pile!

Today just count how many times you find yourself doing something you really don’t want to do, really shouldn’t be doing, or know emphatically that it is hurting people, animals and the planet. It might shock you. Change is not easy but it is the most rewarding process a human can create!

"the road ahead"


Dire Words 2/19/14

Is it all not amazing???

My friend from Friesland told me a few months back that I am about ten years behind in coming to terms with all that is amiss in our world.  And after I did confront it, it took another year for me to digest it all.  Clearly all the info is coming in hard and fast now, and if you are one of the people that just sits back and maintains your own personal status quo and you never get involved on any level for change, then I say “Shame on You!”  I don’t have any kids, but sometimes I sit and wonder what I would do if I did.  Would I educate him or her in all this?  Would I encourage them to get involved and to make a difference?  Depending on their feelings of course, I WOULD!  If we don’t do that, if we don’t make our children aware and awake, what chance do they have?  What chance does the United States have?  What chance does the world have?  I guess if you are one of those that has all your seeds carefully stored in a vault, and a massive underground complex to flee to when it all hits, and you are prepared to live the rest of your days in perpetual darkness, never to see the sun again, and to know that everything, land, sea and air is dead, then perhaps if you have children underground, and they have children underground, and so on, for generations, if the Earth is still alive and not completely blown out of the universe, maybe they can emerge and re-claim what is left for a life.  The way I see it now, like Carlin said, “All you can do now is just live your life the best you can.” So that’s what I do. I have wonderful goals, I am living my dream, I am poor in this economic disaster of a country, but I am happy beyond measure to even be breathing, and for every tiny ray of sun that comes through my window.  My greatest hope is for some tangible unity of our people.  We have the means right here to communicate.  We have the means to educate.  If it becomes increasingly apparent that other life forms have come to our planet in the past, and are responsible for all the suffering in the US, and all the suffering destined to continue, then we can only hope that our genuine human influence and amazing spirit will prevail. Save and except for the Occupy Movement, Anonymous, Julian Assange, Snowden and so many others, we haven’t made enough progress. Living my best life includes writing like this, and trying to communicate for change.  We should all try to build a strong network of capable and intelligent friends around us, become unified in mind and resolve, and be willing to die for the cause.  I would say the Nun who broke into the nuclear facility with her buddies was ready to die. That’s radical activism.  And if the worst thing anyone ever called me was a radical activist, then that’s not so bad. Because I was fighting for right and for the children of the Earth. That said, it is better to live to fight another day, so for now, I will just continue on trying to network and meet good people and see where it all goes. But bet your bottom dollar, if I get called upon, or see the right opportunity, I will LEAP into action. Clearly, something in the near future is bound to occur, that is either really great and amazing, or the alternative.  I think that depends on us, every one.  Thanks for reading.  Cissy in Texas

Sometimes It Takes a Lifetime

Today is a very good day – a day for breaking free of old ways of thinking.

Today is a day for clear thinking and positive action.  I’m working on a new blog, and I hope that soon you will be enjoying it as much as I will.

In favor of moving ahead and doing what I love, I decided to buy a new digital camera.  Not an SLR yet, nothing fancy.  But it has a very high resolution and high pixels.  And although I love photography, I am not a professional.  My interests lie mostly in the written word.

My father took pictures of faces, up close and personal, in black and white.  I only wish I had this collection to share with you.  And although I will not be shooting in B&W, maybe some of his light will shine through all the same.

I hope when you feel blue, or need a connection with culture, you will check out the new blog.  I haven’t settled on a name yet, but I feel sure something will be coming along soon!

It has taken me about three months to change my life, at least in terms of eating.  For many years, in fact, I thought I understood very well what was healthy and what was not.  But alas, this journey took me down many roads of denial…  but finally…  I feel liberated.  The understanding of what it takes has finally taken shape.  I have new habits, new tools and new skills.

Videos and blogs about our food and where it comes from, about growing things to eat correctly and easily, these are the education we need in order to put gardening and growing our own food on the fast track.  This is just one area that I want to focus on, then perhaps another type of post for cooking and pantry ideas set in the kitchen.  All this will come pretty much “from scratch” as we say, so you’ll be able to follow along and hopefully, make suggestions!

As for the rest of the days…  let’s just leave all that flexible. Undoubtedly, I will devote some of my time to art, music, or even some of my own creations.  Who knows what subjects might come up.  And lastly, it’s just good to speak our minds sometimes, in a intentional way, so that maybe someone else will be moved to comment also.  It’s a good way to get on with the business of life.

It might not be all rosey all the time, as far as postings to the new blog. Sometimes it is better to get some clarity about a given subject, because it is pertinent to the times, or because there is something to be learned from sharing.  Also, on the flip side, I do not intend to encourage doomsday sayers, as it is our finest hour that we stand up and have our voice heard.

So, thank you all, people who leave me comments, as it has meant a great deal to me.  I hope you will come around again, when I am able to give you a name for the new blog, and actually have something nice there for you to check out.  Ok, then, later on…  Peace out! Cissy ❤ in central Texas

Tragedy and Hope for Change

Today I found a young man, that goes way beyond what is required, and he does it with such sensitivity and understanding, I believe he has changed my life, today.

He has a first name I have never heard before.  Eldad.  He handles crisis and danger like the total calm professional that he is.  I’ve seen a lot of things in my life, some that will haunt me deeply till the day I die.  But today I saw even more than I bargained for.

Of course, Eldad is the hero in this story.  He rescues innocent, unwanted, abandoned, abused, neglected pets, from the streets of a savage city to places hours of driving away.  Whenever he gets the call, he comes.

But beyond Eldad, today I witnessed the rescue of a battered and abused pit bull dog, almost beyond recognition for all his wounds and injuries, most obvious and savage, the ones to his precious face.  In all my days on this Earth, I will never forget his eyes.  They were so big, and shiny, so compelling, and so so scared.  Even as the vet caressed him tenderly, as he sat on her table, your heart cried out for him, at least mine did.  His face was so sad, a huge part of his nose was missing, his mouth was swollen and destroyed, he had lacerations and broken bones.  But he only whimpered and cried out once, as they examined him, trying their best to know what to do.

This was a big heavy dog.  They said he had been fighting for his life during a session that must have lasted for hours.  Clearly he lost.  He was thrown away like yesterday’s garbage.  But he was still alive, still holding on, still an innocent and helpless animal.

I’m not a real intuitive, and I’m certainly no psychic.  I left that business up to my predecessors.  But I believe that some people are so lost themselves, they can’t be helped.  I’ve read that when we pass, our spirit takes a journey, of reflection, and then we possibly await another chance. A chance to try again, to improve things, to get it right.  But some people tell us that there are dark spirits right here on Earth, people that will not transcend into spirit.  They have reached such a dark and indescribable place, that there is no coming back for them.  The very thought of this sickens me and puts a big knot in my chest.  It is why I don’t open any doors that can’t be shut.  I have no time, nor any need of such battles.

My time is now, in real time, here on this amazing and beautiful planet.  I too have fallen victim to the prejudice and misunderstanding that prevails whenever you mention pit bulls.

I made a terrible mistake I will always regret.  I rescued a 5 week old puppy from a busy country road in the rain on a Christmas Eve night.  He was almost incoherent, and stayed that way for almost an entire week.  I don’t know how he ended up there.  I know he was starving, covered in fleas, too young to see well.  He was exhausted from this traumatic beginning.  Of course, I had pets at home already.

The mistake wasn’t that I rescued Henri, it was that I didn’t know what it would take to raise him properly.  You see, Henri turned out to be some unknown mix of a pit bull.  He required intense socialization and training I was just not qualified nor able to give him.  Love him, oh yes.  I totally bonded with Henri in every way.  But it didn’t stop him one day when he was two years old, from escaping through an accidently open gate, and he bit my neighbor lady on her calf as she was getting her mail.  Henri bit her hard.  It was a severe wound.  I was at her side in a moment, and my roommate recovered Henri before any more damage could occur.

My neighbor will never forgive me.  All I ever wanted was a nice neighbor that I could have coffee with, a friend, and to be a good neighbor back.  But now that this has happened, and it’s been almost three years since, she has done everything in her power to run me off my land and my home.  She’s called every Health Dept. in the county out here, and she’s sued me in court.

Yes, I had the dog, and I take full responsibility for what happened.  I live this nightmare everyday, and this woman makes it clear, every single solitary day, how much she despises me.  She hurts my heart, perhaps more than I think I deserve, but the real hurt lies in my final unchangeable mistake.

I let the County Animal lady come out the next morning and take my Henri.  That whole night I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t face Henri.  I couldn’t even look at him.  He came inside and went to sleep on his ottoman, just like always, and my roommate told me that Henri wouldn’t eat, and wouldn’t move from that ottoman.  When the County woman came at the crack of dawn that next morning, he carried Henri out to the truck and placed him in the cage, and she took him away.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t look, I think I was in emotional shock.  And I’m usually a pretty tough cookie.

People and animals can get along just fine, but pets and their owners don’t always make that indelible connection, that undeniable bond that just happens sometimes.  But when it does, you definitely know it.  I understood Henri, insofar as we loved him at home.  What made him attack the neighbor was my lack of understanding, my laziness, my complacencey.  I was in complete denial about Henri and what he was capable of.  Perhaps I deserve all the grief now.

Henri was killed at the shelter.  Before he could live out his beautiful life, they took it from him.  This poor guy never stood a chance.  Even with the best of  my love, care and attention, his fate must have been sealed.

Today I read where this rapper guy named Chris Brown has put up multiple pit bull puppies on a website for sale, and as much as ABC and the world tries to stop him, there will be people that will no doubt purchase these innocent creatures to fight, as they were so obviously bred for.  His website is almost like a taunt to the world, that he can do this and get away with it.  Like I said, I’m no spiritual intuitive, but this guy is one of the dark ones, the type I try so hard to avoid in my life.

So what did I do, I put this crime all over my facebook, I emailed him and really gave him the business.  I told him he should be in prison for a long long time, that dog fighting is a Crime!  And I’m not scared one bit and I’m not sorry.  I would go to battle in an instant with this person, and any other that would exploit innocent little animals, for personal profit only.  Maybe in his “culture,” if you could even call it that, this sort of activity is accepted.  Maybe he thinks he’s really cool.  It makes me madder than hell, it makes me cry real tears, and I commit to help people like Eldad out on the West Coast, and his Hope for Paws Organization, with every extra tiny cent I can scrape up after all mine are taken care of.

I don’t know who’s right here.  People against pit bull dogs, people who think they should be banned in every state, or people like Tia Maria Torres, who has devoted her life to giving second chances, for this unfortunate breed of dog, and for grown men who make terrible mistakes, and end up in prison.  I know for sure that breeding these dogs for whatever reason has to stop.  We need to take care of the ones dying a slow death in the shelters, only to greet death head-on in a needle.

I’ll end this story with a couple of pictures, so you can see what I saw, and a final framed mental image of my memory of this precious innocent dog, the one I keep near and dear to my heart whenever I think of Henri and the amazing bright spirit that he was.

One day I looked out in the driveway to see where he was and what he was doing, and there he was, with a little ball in his mouth, throwing it high into the air, dancing around and prancing through the air, playing alone, being happy beyond reason, with bright shiny smiling eyes, mouth wide open, his tongue to the side, the most innocent creature I have ever known.  Henri died for my failings, and I guess for an accident bound to happen eventually.  Maybe you can tell me.

I don’t know why we humans fail at so many things, we cause so much pain and suffering, all over this world.  But I for one, will pick myself up, hold up my head again, and walk bravely down my driveway while the neighbor does her worst, and I will fight to understand the problems, I will write however it comes out, because truth and naked emotion may be the only way we learn, the only way we can change.

Just Another Puppy...

I dedicate this post to the poor pit bull in the video that had his face so badly chewed up that no amount of vet skills could save him, and to my Henri.   I only pray he can forgive me, my mistake.

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