Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness


Happy Birthday Kiddo is Right! WOW! Happy Day! Yum!

Originally posted on From my garden into my kitchen (and everything in between):

Anybody who knows me little better, know, that I love cooking but absolutely hate baking! What ever I bake, ends up to be some sort of disaster. I made applecinnamonrolls..They were raw from the middle, but tasted good. And there is my very famous “Scheisse-tortte”! I attended baking course last fall. We had bake Sacher-cake, which we then decorated with fondant. Simple thing…Sure-e!! Here!! Pretty?? :D

This one you could not rescue,not even by cutting it level..


So I ended up making second one. First cake, I cut in pieces and Kiddo took it to school with him.He said that it was great! This is how second cake turned out to be after decorating and all..


My grandmother is awesome baker,or was..Not anymore.She is already 93-years old, so she is not baking that much, what she used to.Now and then ,she makes bread or carrot buns which are amazing.. if…

View original 191 more words

Sum Total of All Things

Born in 1955, and being shocked by the images and words that were coming off the tiny black and white television in my parents’ bedroom, mixed with the generalized anxiety always present in my first home, peaking to all out panic at least running on a monthly basis, my curiosity and heart was trained on any slight vestige of reason for it all…

Shoot forward to the present, where the overall tone of mistrust and denial rages on, and I find myself inward looking out.  It’s as if to shed all doubt, guilt or opinions, one must also stem the tide of never-ending information and stimulus, not a selfish act, but rather one of self-preservation, I think…

If I had a child, here’s what I might try to say to her…  I can’t make the sunshine break the clouds, I can’t even tell you how long it has been…  I’m not sure why we are here, but for the life of me, I think we best make good of it, in any case…  A terrifying proposition, but the best path to take.  So you suit up, and put your game face on, and you expend no extra energy that is not focused, with at least some direct intent.  Because up in here, up in this almost 60 year old human being, is something much greater than all of that.  It is indeed a great power, a gateway, if you will…

One of my favorite movies shows a great Buddhist Monk sitting in meditation, actually, his death meditation.  All his attending knew what was happening.  And you’d have thought the scene would have been most heart-wrenching.  But, that was not the case.  There was such love and compassion for this great spiritual leader, that they honored his process — a most graceful departure.

I had this stupid idea that things would be easier.  I have done all the prep work to finish things in good time…  The gardens, the house, the animals…  all things…  but truly, Nothing.Is.Easier.  I walk alone here, wondering why I find myself alone? Even the little red bird sings out a pretty song…  There are times when I really like it.  Times when the peace and the trees and the breeze are all one thing and I am just a fleck of dust in this huge picture.  That image really gets your goat, right?

I’m skeered beyond any reason, beyond thinking, because I know what lies ahead and even with the best of education and intention, it feels so terribly difficult to be a “land dweller.”  I live above-ground, eeking out an existence within the framework of what I have been given.  And all I dream of is oceans, wide loud beautiful oceans…  water for days…

While everyone else out here moves along doing their normal thing, I seem to be like a pinball bouncing from idea to idea, the only one here that is really awake and aware.  There is a crazy dance going on out there, I am thankfully not a part of.  I prefer my handful of interesting friends, my familiar trees and birds.  I may be alone, but only in terms of being the only human here most times.  There are multitudes of creatures with eyes, all looking, all busy, all trying to stay alive.  Just like me.

All I want for my 60th birthday is a swimming pool.  Any kind will do.

For Lauren ~

Proceed with Caution:  Strong Feminine Influence Ahead!  I must admit there have been more than a few times when I’ve stopped mid-flight, like some poised stage actor, at that one final instant before you accidentally step off that enormous cliff. And in this moment, I have wondered so innocently, “What do I do?”

There are many situations that can present in our modern world.  I believe that the modern woman is stretched so far beyond what has been our traditional roles, that even in this great year of 2014, I feel like a cave-woman, washing out my skins in the river.  It’s important to remember that even though we are highly equipped these days to zoom in and out, it might be prudent to take time out of your week, every week, to touch back down.  Literally put your bare feet onto Mother Earth, in her dirt, her dampness, her sometimes stickery greens…

It all feels like a test to me.  So if we are being asked to stretch, a lot, then okay.  I can do that.  The best moment in my morning is that first long enjoyable stretch standing in the wet grass that is my tiny front yard.  It is so cute and so poignant, that Mother Nature herself is right at the very edge, at the ready on the entire periphery that is my domain, such as she be. Whatever their test was or is, I’ve managed to fit in my agenda as well, and I like to think that it is a compliment and well worth the enduring effort.

I see so many amazing women now, thanks to the internet.  We still visit, and we share.  Some ladies might not know it, but when they share their family celebrations on social media, like pictures of relatives, great spreads on the table, and their own emotional words to garnish, people like me who miss that so very much, can once again remember and relish those times.  It is a truly amazing gift.

There’s always a bigger stick.  We just have to get over that.  As I try to re-arrange my mind and my environment, and my life to include another new person, unexpected and yet completely not…  it feels like this game we are in is actually much more than just a test.  It is an inter-active learning field that is the high-tech version of a “scratch-n-sniff…”  :)  They say everything we perceive as matter is just an energy field that vibrates.  Understanding that my emotions and energy, what I give forth also create such fields, ripples into the universe, it feels like second nature, like moving through a landscape and waving my arms and voila’ — there before me appears something else new and wonderful and exciting!

Truth is, I am working harder at 59 than I ever thought I could.  I thought by now, I could just kick back and coast for a while.  Oh, no!  :)  That tendency is evidently not in me, thank goodness.  Things are speeding up and you would do well to keep up, if you can.  How do you do that?  By not becoming overwhelmed by anything.  Do not let Anything Completely break you down to the catatonic state we all know.  Oh sure, you can have a little mini-meltdown on the back porch, punch a pillow in the laundry room, or if you are truly at your wit’s end, run, run, run…  just put on your shoes and take off!

Someone in my family used to tell me, “Just buy some time.”  That is very good advice if you are feeling confused and a bit disorganized, not knowing where to start.  You have been dealt a great blow, and you must heal and shore up your reserves again.  The goal could be to envision something even better.  A new Lauren that is more flexible, more wise, more giving, more patient, and much much more beautiful!  <3

Here’s what I learned in the experience of standing alone.  You aren’t going to die!  Whatever problem or obstacle, whether it is real or merely a worry, can be healed, changed, de-railed or avoided altogether.  Nothing is ever written in stone.  It is okay to change your mind a hundred times or more!  That’s how you get it right!  All you have to do is to look into the faces of your children to know if you are on the right track.  The innocence and the wonder is all still there.  You can ignite their curiosities and their interests, and in so doing, find your own bliss in these moments.

Remember this too!  Things can change in a New York minute!  So best be ready for the time when you will Want To Be More!  When you meet someone who somehow makes you better than you really are!  But until then, you are good just like you are.  In fact, you are surrounded in a great sphere of energy built of love and protection and pride and joy from all of your soul-family that has come before you.  They sing and laugh and cry with you all the way.  They hold you up when you don’t think you can breathe.

And if mistakes happen, tragedy strikes, sadness grabs you, that’s okay too.  I am the most accident-prone person on the planet.  If there is a mess to be made, I will make it.  But I have to try.  We have to try.  At least when they call our ticket, we can stand up and go, “Okay, I did my best.”  And if that is the end of this test, well, I used to feel a great deal of melancholy at the end of the year when I closed that little booklet and set down my pencil.  I knew that this year was done, my time in this class was over.  But we did not die.  We kept going.  I think that is the lesson to learn.  And it’s okay to reach for that bliss, if you can, whenever you can!

Lauren, follow your bliss!


It goes both ways…

Originally posted on Straight from the Horse's Heart:

By Brian MacQuarrie | Globe Staff

In Norfolk, female veterans find strength through learning to ride and care for horses

Veteran Eadyie Davis of Marlborough shared a quiet moment with therapy horse Creek. ~ Wendy Maeda/Globe Staff Veteran Eadyie Davis of Marlborough shared a quiet moment with therapy horse Creek. ~ Wendy Maeda/Globe Staff

NORFOLK — Feet in the stirrups, hands on the reins, Karen Souza closes her eyes as a quarter horse named Rio carries her to a tranquil, peaceful place she has rarely visited.

Souza spent decades walled off emotionally after being sexually abused as a teenage soldier. She never formed a loving relationship, and she spoke only sparingly. But from that dark, bleak world, she has emerged to find a place of trust, and accomplishment, and the simple joy of working with a large, strong, patient animal.

Souza is one of several female veterans who exhale and relax once a week at the BINA Farm Center, where they learn basic horsemanship and riding skills…

View original 421 more words


This guy really does his best to debunk this possible bigfoot film, but I’m not buying into his deal with the cloaking being leaves. At this point in time, I think this video is one of the most compelling pieces of evidence for something strange, perhaps beyond our present understanding, but it doesn’t seem like a standard bigfoot to me, something far more different…

Originally posted on Mission Galactic Freedom:

bigfoot cloaking

I don’t know if it’s just the music or what, but Barb just made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Did Barb and Gabby really witness a “cloaking” Bigfoot? Or was it an anomaly? The scary music in this breakdown makes all things possible:

Remember the movie Predator? The cloaking alien …? Well, a lady named Barb may have actually filmed a Bigfoot “cloaking.” It’s weird. Let’s take a closer look.

***Update*** The camera with the “ghosting” issue WAS NOT the original camera Barbara used to film her Cloaking Bigfoot. Big thanks to Larry Seiple for making me aware of that.

Published on Sep 18, 2014

We had one outstanding event during our camp out. Three witnesses had two sightings. One sighting was caught on camera. And, we found multiple footprints, the next day, while examining the path it took. The problem is, what was captured…

View original 42 more words


We needed a “great father” when clearly we made so many terrible mistakes. Perhaps it won’t hurt so bad to grow up…

Originally posted on in the life and mind of an artist...:

There are far greater things in heaven and on earth than we could ever begin to comprehend.  We’ve been suppressed in so many ways, on so many levels, by others, but most clearly by ourselves, but that can all change.  Taking back our power is not an impossible idea, in fact, it may well be the solution for humanity.

View original


Always question authority… We’ve given our power away. Our numbers are great! Our collective consciousness is our greatest tool to begin to take back what has been so grievously taken from us…

Originally posted on in the life and mind of an artist...:

Another war, more lives lost, and people still go hungry.  People go without.  Not just in America, but all over the world.  And these atrocities are right in our face, as we look away.  There is no need for hunger anymore.  No need for bombs and war.  It is time to give up all our trappings of problems, lack and violence.  There is no arbitrary reason to bow down to any authority. Everything is within our own choice.  There is no honor in killing and suffering.  Not in this great time.  We do not need permission from any governing body to evolve and transition into a better reality.  It is within our power right now.  We carelessly give our respect to thieves.  They will deprive us of our very humanity, if we allow it.

View original

Tag Cloud


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 326 other followers