Exploring the Human Condition: altered states of consciousness

Betrayal by a Stranger

I guess every one you know has lost someone. That journey started for me when I was a teenager and my Pa-Pa died. By the time you get to be my age, you tend to lose count. The worst was losing my mom. Not long after followed my dad. Never had any kids, and I was divorced nineteen years sgo. Just found out that he died too, this April. In between all of this, more than a few animals I loved did leave me. It’s a stark, scary feeling, this being so alone. People want to give me drugs, all kinds of advice on what I should do. It’s all good, only this is my journey now. My time to remember. One technique I use when I hit that wall, when you can’t breathe, and the knot in your throat feels like a baseball. I imagine a beautiful white Craftsman Bungalow, with red pillars on the front porch, nandenas large and bushy on every side, same old porch swing my Pa-Pa swung me in right after I was born. Of course, now, it’s hardly the same. My dad painted over all of it with some God-awful brown paint, and my pathetic alcoholic brother keeps the doors locked and hardly seems to care. All the beautiful plants and flowers my grandmother planted and loved are gone. Sycamores gone, no sign of the Mimosa tree we all climbed in as kids. Even my grandmother’s red spider lillies disappeared. But in my mind, there is another place. As much Heaven to me as it gets. The amazing white frame house my Pa-Pa built sits high on top of the hill, and the two old rock driveways that go up beside the house are still there. I see my mama’s ferns all green and bushy all over the front porch. I can even smell the frothy bubbles of Palmolive dish soap in the kitchen sink. But no longer do my grandparents live there alone. It’s a busy place again, just like when they were young. Only new people are welcome and happy there, like my friend Brenda, who died in a car crash years sgo, and little Lori, who had scoliosis, and ended her life before surgery one bright morning. All the old folks, family and friends they loved are hanging around again. My mom is there, with one of her pretty dresses on, and her curly hair all soft and nice. My Daddy likes to sit out on the big concrete steps up front, and play his guitar. And even my husband Charlie is there now. He fixes everything. And works on cars again. He rebuilt my Pa-Pa’s old garage out back, under the huge black walnut tree, and never loses his tools anymore. But the best part are the animals that live here. From the littliest kitten I had to say goodbye to at such an early age, the beautiful pair of Siamese cats I loved so much, Pepe the skunk, Lucy, the dachshund, Barney, the border collie, Mew-Mew, Elmo, Beau, Mirabelle, so many other kitties i loved, all there, on the front porch, playing in the yard. The Mimosa tree is there again, all green with magenta blooms, and the tall sycamores grace the side yard once again like giant soldiers. When I am tired or sad, I can go sit in Pa-Pa’s sleeping porch, and play with Petey, the parakeet, and smell my grandfather’s cherry tobacco. Even my old dog Lizzie is there, and she hangs out with Mama now. Paleface, Tigger One and Tigger Two, Cleo too, all play in the soft green grass. And my Guardian protector, old Bruno, lays beside my grandma’s spider lillies. Everyone’s there, and the front door, even the back door, they are always open. And I don’t have to be so sad, or miss them all so much. I can invite anyone I want to come over, and they do. What helps me most, is to think that one day, however it comes, I will have angel escort right back to this blessed house, on the hill, where everyone waits for me. And at Christmas, the lights go up, and they make pecan pies, and hang the stockings again for Santa. My life was full once, and one day it will be again. And nobody will ever tell me different. However hard or challenging life seems now, whenever it just gets to be too much, I have a place I can go. I don’t need drugs, or counseling, or a room in some cement building. I just need trees, and squirrels, red birds and chickens. And I have all that. Abigale, my little rat terrier, raised as a pup since 2000, is still right here beside me. And I tell her about this place all the time. We have a good place to go, no matter what happens here. Anyone can do this, have a happy place to go. The sun shines there, every day. The old truck starts right up, and nobody has to drink or act ugly. Only goodness and mercy live here. In my heart. And nobody can take that away from me. ūüíúūüíöūüíõūüíöūüíúūüíôūüíúūüíô


Most times, the thing you think you really want, is elusive. ¬†Sometimes, what you have, doesn’t seem enough, or even exactly right. ¬†Life is a succession of opportunities, challenges, and choices. ¬†It is also hardship, and struggle. ¬†Just when you feel a little comfortable, something, or someone, can come along and blow all that right out of the water. ¬†All the hope, even all of the planning in the world, will only take you so far. Seems like people always want guarantees. ¬†And as I have viewed this world, there are no guarantees.

One time when my little car was limping along on three used tires, and one losing air real fast, I drove it 10 miles on a wing and a prayer, to the only junkyard in the county, in hopes they might have a tire for me, better than I had.  One I might afford.

I pulled in, over to the yard area, where piles of metal junk covered the landscape.  And in between all this rusty twisted metal, were cars, all abandoned, being parted out, in different stages of deconstruction, just like any junkyard.  But something happened in that moment, as I looked out over the strange image before me, like the sun suddenly shined brighter, and everything else was obscured.  Somehow diminished.

A young man came running toward my car. ¬†As he approached, I could see the sweat pouring off his arms. ¬†Summer in Texas is brutal, and this day was no exception. ¬†He came up to my side and and looked in my window, and said, “Hi! ¬†What can I do for you?” ¬†And I said, “Uh…. ¬†uh…. ¬†Oh! ¬†I just need a tire. ¬†I have a front tire on the other side going flat.”

In life, there are certain defining moments.  And sometimes, there are just moments in time, that happen randomly.  Unexpectedly.  Moments that you will always remember. That change your life.  Beautiful moments, that years later, you never forget.  This moment, was the moment I saw Charlie.

In the midst of all that nasty junk, out in the hottest of suns, with sweat in pools all over his forehead, on his neck, and in his eyes, I was struck.  Like a lightning bolt from above, I was surely struck.  I will never forget his eyes, as long as I live, and probably beyond. He was grinning from ear to ear, just like he won the lottery, and the water from his eyebrows was dripping all down into his eyes, eyes as green as irisdescent emeralds, so green and sparkling, it caught my breath.  And his eyelashes were thick and long, and all completely spiked around those beautiful green eyes, like nothing I had ever seen before, or likely ever will again.  Those spiked lashes, formed from the sweat of his own brow, captured the beauty and intensity of these eyes, and frankly, I have a hard time remembering what happened next, or how I even got back home.

Life is funny like that. ¬†Absolutely no guarantees will you find. ¬†And if you do, they are false. ¬†But it seems that when you least expect it, beauty, simplicity and grace, will show itself, if only you have the eyes to see. ¬†Life is difficult for most of us, if not all. ¬†It can throw you down, and stomp on your heart. ¬†You can feel lost, forgotten, even broken. ¬†But in those unexpected moments, a light from above comes down and strikes your old heart. ¬†Like a jumpstart. ¬†And suddenly you see that flower in the junkyard. You don’t have to have any one set of beliefs, or adhere to a strict guideline of behavior for this to happen. ¬†It is a direct and unshakeable knowing. ¬†A place without fear or doubts. ¬†And like all things, it may be fleeting. ¬†You might wake up one morning with green eyes sleeping beside you, and the next, reading a stark and unembellished obituary. ¬†The beautiful light from those green eyes has been removed, taken away, lost from the view of earthly concerns. ¬†And it will tear you up inside. ¬†It will rock your very being. ¬†And you will walk alone through a world that does not care. ¬†No guarantees.

Maybe we all look for a ray of hope in this crazy world. ¬†We all come from nothing, and that is surely where we return. ¬†But once, maybe even twice, in a lifetime, you see a flower growing in a junkyard. ¬†Amidst all the sharp edges and harsh realities of life, you find an exquisite and perfect blossom, growing each minute, each second, just for the sheer opportunity to reach for the sun. ¬†In this world we find ourselves in today, it’s important to look for flowers, and when we find them, admire and remember all that they give us. ¬†It’s important when we feel broken and so sad, to remember these flowers, and how they had no regrets, not for their struggle, and not for their eventual death. Their life was made for the one tiny instant they brought beauty and joy into this world, and nothing more. ¬†Life is simple like that.

And if you can’t find such a flower, be the flower. ¬†If everything around you seems in ruins, and your health is failing you, and you have more loss than love, you be the flower. ¬†You be the gorgeous delicate blossom, unique and forever innocent. ¬†You be that flower in the junkyard. ¬†And if God does shine down on you, maybe the right person will happen along and notice you, and be forever changed in that moment.

Be a flower in the junkyard.  Just be that!

Red Canyons Blaze…


Somewhere outside Price, Utah, I found a red canyon, still stretched between what we know as time and space. ¬†When you have seen only a limited view of things, being suddenly aware of something different isn’t hard.

As you travel west in the United States, you will encounter mountains.  One of the things you learn is how the sun hits your mountain every day.  This canyon was a hidden niche in time, with its back to the west, all ablaze around her, in this glory of a desert sunset, she looked out in easterly fashion, across a world of all things.

Personally, I found this canyon to be incrediby heavy, as if I was trespassing. Even the people living here were strangely weird, as if they too had become lost between two worlds. In a dark hour, one should have a secret place of strong hold, with view of the bet below.  This beautiful red canyon was like an outdoor movie theatre with so many stories to tell.

A few times,  I have been privileged to set my own paws down on such sacred grounds. Here many people have lain down, we respect sacred spirit.  It should not have to be said, whether speaking to those near or far, with fiery opinion, or relentless pursuit of some ideal of power, to respect people who live on the land.  To the people of the big cities, we would invite you to try it.  Before you become old and satisfied, you should go west.

Remote viewing seems all we have left. ¬†When the necessity of a scrappy old girl is no longer needed, it is possible to fly far, in an instant, and find our red canyon, and there are many. ¬†There is a blue canyon that faces the west, as mountains go, and the view there is aspens, across to the clear running stream… ¬†maybe you know this place too.


The High Art of Zen

Learning detachment from opinions and outcomes…

in the life and mind of an artist...


The high art of zen can be confusing.  When you first begin to lose your fear, to begin to explore religious, philosophical and other spiritual ways of being more freely, you will surely find the doorway to Zen very different entirely.

In fact, you cannot walk into the great forest of zen, because it is not there.  It does not wait for you.  True Zen is not garnished in lights, nor bound in the skin of animals to be worshipped.  Learning the high art of Zen comes in life seconds, split seconds of blissful insight.  You will be powerfully glad you noticed.

Zen once hard-learned, comes so easy.  It cannot be thought into existence for its very nature is void of intention.  Zen is a vehicle that will take you everywhere and nowhere at the same time, exposing the raw, unpredictable essence that lives within us all.  This high art…

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Daydream.  Shift.  Altered state.  Split.  Doorway.

When I could barely navigate the bare wooden floor, I flew. ¬†Too young to speak evidently, I couldn’t tell them. ¬†It usually happened early in the morning when she left me in the cage too long… ¬†or at nap time, when I would go into that middle place, that zone of in-between. ¬†Or at night when other things flew too.

I don’t remember ever leaving the house, or rather, the ceiling… ¬†but it was fun to be free, to swish around the place like a flash of light… ¬†I was a highly animated emotional kid. ¬†I asked a lot of questions and got few answers.

Whenever things got really bad around there, bad sadness, deep darkness would come, and there became a void. ¬†At an early age I developed the natural skill to step out, split the view, if you will. ¬†My left eye was not training straight all the time. ¬†At six, whenever I’d get tired, they’d say my eye “wandered.” ¬†What I saw was a split screen image, which I could pull farther apart, and then travel over, to the softer more quiet place. ¬†They didn’t like that. ¬†I got in trouble a lot in class for staring out the window, daydreaming.


One day I was in ¬†doctor’s office, the next, someone was forcing a horrible black rubber mask over my face, and the smell of rotten eggs was excruciating for a tiny child, and then they took me. ¬†My little self woke up with a big white patch over my eye and it was hard to think or walk.

When you see a child or a person with a wandering eye, love them deeply. ¬†They are truly special people. ¬†Not retarded or slow, or deformed. They are gifted, and our ancestors knew it too. ¬†Some tribes said they had the evil eye, and you were called a witch. ¬†I still have it, they didn’t take it. ¬†They altered my eye, but the brain is tenacious, and so is the soul. When I daydream, it is like stepping into a reality where my heart is strong, there is no fear, only love, and I can go anywhere, see anything, and know stuff too. ¬†It’s just how far do you want to take it. ¬†I’m a real light-weight… so far.


I read energies quite well. ¬†People don’t like that usually. ¬†They want their walls and their secrets. ¬†But what if I told you there’s no longer any reason to do one damned thing you do not want to do. ¬†Period. ¬†That this is our time. ¬†Want to meet me and go swimming? ¬†I’m no shaman, but I know that’s possible. ¬†In a way and a place beyond all the veils.

Tired of the struggle, then abandon it.  Reclaim your true place.


Everything we need was always here.  People that are born with no brain at all still think. Look at all the God-given abundance we have, meant to be shared.  Honor the dreamers, the truth-seekers and the ones standing out on the high places alone.  Watch for them!  ♡

Now, hit the red button, close your eyes, and find me. ¬†Find me. ¬†‚ėÜ‚ėÜ‚ėÜ


Selfish Pursuits

I like to be close to water when I need to think.  This water source and its bridge in Colchester was an inspiration for the Liberated Way logo. She never could believe it, that she was still in one piece, alive, every time she was lucky enough to step off that damned plane.  She hated to fly.  But it was always worth it to catch up with Glenn whenever he was around.  She wanted to get him to fly her to South America, to the big mountains below the desert.  But he just always laughed at her in that very annoying way he had.

She had to get to her office. ¬†She knew there were three bids/proposals waiting on her desk and she couldn’t wait to get down to business and have a look at them. ¬†She really liked this driver and also the car was nice too. ¬†What a cushy job… she was thinking.

Over and over again, she had to remind herself to always read between the lines, always check sources. ¬†Her old innate journalism talents and tricks always came in handy whenever she started to really take apart someone else’s ideas for profit or progress… ¬†she was hard to trust anyone, period.

In the world that our girl worked in, everything was discreet, everything was under cover. Her very strategies lay in her ability to be very ahead of anyone else’s game. ¬†She was very good with numbers as well. ¬†And seeing all the way down the runway.

At almost ten o’clock, she set the second one down. ¬†This one was interesting. ¬†Now she’d submit some names to her research guy and see if what returned was equally interesting. This was the fun part, the part where she got to meet some of the brightest minds in the country. ¬†It was a delicate balance of acknowledging more ideas than experience, and reining in her own misgivings and doubt in favor of something new and refreshing to try.

Her intuition always paid off, it was never wrong, only her accuracy sometimes in interpreting. ¬†Instead of any analysis, it was just easier to accept things at face value and move on. ¬†She couldn’t wait to be finished with this meeting after lunch. ¬†Monday afternoon meetings in the conference room were always interesting. ¬†She just simply had no patience for nonsense today. ¬†She really wanted to get away as soon as possible and drive up to the “Estate.” ¬†This was a new property hidden back in some heavily wooded area, up-state a couple of hours. ¬†The girls were bringing their children, and everyone was excited about playing together again.

They had a small studio set up in the back of the house.  Once she got there, she was glad to see it again.  Glad to be there.  It was much older looking now, but just as strong.  The big glass windows all along the front of the room looking out onto the patio and trees outside were still strong, and looking bright.  Amplifiers everywhere.  They were showing off.  These guys were good.

Later that afternoon, the kids were all out at the barn, the women gathered in the kitchen, helping each other cook, and clean, and just sit at the table and talk.  Tea time.  Sometimes it would drag out with so much talk of children and mundane household regurgitation, and our girl would sneak out the back door of the kitchen and find the old man to see what he was doing.  The little child from next door was with him already, when she came walking into the barn.  This little boy was insatiable with his questions, and she was already steeling herself for the unavoidable coming onslaught.

True to form, she could block out the kid, and the old man nodded, turned and went for the leathers.  Her beautiful dark horse, was munching her oats with much relish and noise, she was almost smiling as she casually glanced over at the old man coming with her harness.  It was just the little string harness as usual, just a regular day.  Only she was here to ride.  It had been a while.  The energy was starting to rise up a little bit in the barn that morning.

With so little effort at all, his old arms swung up the lightweight English-type saddle, to most almost nothing, hardly even a saddle really… ¬†because she did not require anything heavy or showy at all this morning. ¬†Seldom did she ever ride for adornments or show. That would happen only once a year, and that was for the children, and the young at heart.

Her beautiful dark mare, with the white star on her forehead, was making noses in her throat, and clucking, showing excitement for what she new was coming up.  She loved when the lady would take her out for a run.  It was amazing and fun to show off and try to scare the lady!  She could be a very naughty horse sometimes, but in the nicest most fun possible way.

Nodding at the barnsman/groom/old man, she reached out and put her palm against the horse’s broad shoulder next to the small dark leather strap on her chest. The horse took a quick deep breath and then snorted out the air very fast. ¬†She lifted up her left front leg and pawed with her hoof at the ground one time and then just stood there, watching, and waiting…

The girl swung up onto her back in one motion, and did reach down once more and touched her neck and said something sweet in her ear as the horse turned her head to survey this rider, on her back. ¬†As she did, her rear did a dance to the right and the woman took a big breath, leaned forward and squeezed her knees and ankles together and told her “Hyah!” in a loud whisper. ¬†And they ran.

She half hung on, mostly flew and pretended to be in control!  The gallop was wild and crazy and there was no thinking.  Just pure adrenaline.  This old girl could still run, and her footing was just as reliable as ever.  The great huge pasture was a wonderful green place to run.  It felt so good and so familiar to them both.  They stopped suddenly and both took a deep breath.  The horse lowered her head to sniff and nibble at little flowers.  These were strictly selfish pursuits.  But the view was incredible, and she felt like she could conquer the world, and they were a beautiful sight to see.  The horse lifted her head, and the both of them did gaze upon the beautiful green hills that spread before them, the gorgeous trees with their shade, so inviting.  The sun was bright.  And she was happy she finally made it home.  The old mare stomped her foot again.  And the girl laughed.

End of Chapter One.



Grasping Ascension

It’s becoming easy to see why so many people talk about ascension, and why it is so hard to understand in terms of everyday life. But then I don’t drink tap water, and haven’t for probably 15 years or more. I don’t watch tv and I don’t eat non-foods (poisons) and I am clean of prescription drugs, now for over two years. So many people like the status quo; they don’t want to “lose” their economic status. The idea of not having money or debt must terrify them. But then they don’t see all the starving animals and children in the world, right here in the¬†United States. ¬†So filled with hatred and fear, they do not care about those struggling people of other nations. Heck, we can’t even be kind to the closest neighbor to the south. Instead we build giant walls between us. That is why I am starting to understand the whole idea of ascension, finally.

There are incredible waves of energy hitting the earth now, hitting us, and many of my friends feel this too. But if you are bloated, congested, and still consuming foods and drinks that you know are killing you, and still making excuses for it, you aren’t going to embrace anything new, much less a better world for everybody. A world with no need for bogus money, much less bogus politicians – ALL. But every single day I run into the “redneck” mentality, for lack of a better word. People that despise anyone who speaks anything but English. Now I admit, it comes in all kinds of levels, like just night before last, my Hispanic neighbors were broadcasting some kind of “music” (I went to school for that stuff) that to the best of my abilities, I could only describe as totally “ALIEN”, “EVIL” WICKED” or possibly just insane. There was some kind of language being used, but I don’t think it was Spanish or any version thereof. And the tones behind the loud extremely fast almost incoherent voice were not like any music I’ve ever heard… IT was frightening to me beyond anything I can even describe. I had to keep myself from going to the fenceline and staring to see what the… was going on. But I told myself it wouldn’t last and that I could ignore it, and finally it stopped.

The people on the other side of my farm trap animals, pets in the neighborhood, with baited cages, set up in the night and left hidden during the day. So I know you and you, all of you, experience similar strange unhappy people. Very credible sources, say that people who are calm and able to think, will find themselves enhanced with new abilities. Those who are dark and basically evil, will become more so. And those who are psychotic will become¬†more psychotic. Basically whatever you are inside, becomes amplified. It’s not hard to see, I mean, look around. How else can you explain the crazy stuff going on. People are going mad!

So what if there was a total data dump and everyone was finally able (forced) to see the reality of the game that’s been played. The elections in this country are not legit, not even close. The people who run our country do it in secret, far from anybody like us. They put up puppets so that we stay distracted, keep on drinking our beer, smoking our weed, and stay oblivious to the lies and deceptions. The elaborate hoaxes of the Kabal are crumbling around them as we speak. And they are freaking out, and they want to incite World War III immediately, involving all nations! China owns the US people. They could pull the rug out at any moment. I used to think the elite would force an economic collapse, but indeed that’s not it. They are afraid of it. And think what will happen if suddenly a vast majority of Americans who can still function cognitively, figure out that this money game is over. Fini. They will join with those of us who already know it’s a rigged game.

The secret government already knows who will be president. We could have already had free energy decades ago. But more and more fear will be brought down upon us on purpose in order to bring in some kind of savior, truly more control. And if the dumb-downed masses break out their guns and decide to fight about it, things could get real ugly. Thus ascension. Human beings have far more mental power than we were ever meant to know. So some people will be able to “rise” above all the ensuing chaos, and some will not.

But understand this. Fear and all that goes with that emotion, is what the controllers want. They feed off that stuff. They use it to control us. That and all the lies. Deception is creeping into everything. From these horrendous pictures of animal abuse and murder on the facebook to the ridiculous antics of this presidential campaign. I think Trump is having the time of his life. He loves the lime-light. He’s an entertainer and a narcissist. I’m convinced the woman is “altered” in some way. And the old guy is just trying his best, but he’ll never get it, and if he did, they would somehow render him useless very quick. Now I may go ahead and post this for a little while, and then I may freak out and delete it. The people who have studied ascension already know we are going to be challenged like no one expects or can even imagine. Did you guys think Snowden just went away? He didn’t. He is being funded and supported and all his work has been collated and is now ready to be given out, to all people, they call it the data dump. And when it happens we are going to fully realize the extent of the criminal element that has enslaved us now since the 30’s.

Yes I’m scared to post this, but I’m old, I’m nobody. There are tons of people much more influential than me, saying a lot more than this. You guys all heard Carlin’s memorable last speeches. I’ve been hungry these past two years. I’ve done without electricity, and the finer luxuries of life. And I’ve survived. But what about all the people who have no idea, what will they do when the lights go out, no tv, no refrigerator, no nothing. Game over. With a very easily made and deployed EMF bomb, your car won’t even start. Nobody wants to say these things, and nobody is talking about it. But the time is growing nearer, as we speak. I just saw one of my fb friends posting something like “would you fight if war was brought to this country, on our soil?” As if trying to incite this warrior mentality. That’s what the Muslims have people! My girl Bushra once said to me, “I’m going to raise warrior babies!” They WANT the fight. It is only those of us willing to be brave, be courageous and stand up for peace, that can bring the balance here. We need to do better than balance it, we have to overcome this pervasive insanity. I don’t want to end up in a FEMA camp, and I don’t want to shoot anybody either. When the money dumps, and everyone predicts it, it won’t freak me out one bit. I never had any anyway. The day the animal shelters are charging $300 and up for an unwanted stray dog, is the day somebody has to notice. My vet is now charging $250 an hour, so that means lawyers are probably charging $750 and up. I just have no idea. Personally, I hate money. I hate what it represents, and even more I hate to see young people enslaved with debt, all their lives, like we were. It’s not necessary. And whether or not you turn off your tv, whether or not you wish for something better, it’s coming. It won’t come easy, but it is definitely coming. Humanity has been the object of countless experiments over millions of years. Maybe it’s time to stop that nonsense and unite to build a kinder, saner world for all people. A world where babies don’t go hungry, and monsters don’t spray poisons in the water we drink. We better decide fast, because this world, and the United States, can’t take much more. Wildlife extinctions, loss of oceans, what does it take for us to wake up… And trust me when I say this, waking up is just the first tiny step into an entirely new reality. That’s why people don’t want to do it. But I like a challenge. I excel in a challenge. Good thing..


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